


What I need most is love

by Pelznase78



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-08-23 00:13:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8306444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pelznase78/pseuds/Pelznase78
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are 48 years old and Blaine finds a box with Kurt's name on it. When Kurt opens the box, they discover his old diaries and start a journey through Kurt's life... good and bad...Rated M for language and adult sexual themes





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my second fic. Happy to see you again. I hope I won't bore you with this story. This is a Kurt POV and different to my first fic. I hope you'll like it.  
> Thank you to my wonderful beta Verseau_87! Honey I'm so happy that you agreed to help me with this baby. I'm so thankful that we go together so perfectly :-) XO

Chapter 1

 

I'm sitting on the couch, a glass of wine in my hand and my feet on the coffee table when Blaine enters the living room with a box in his hands. I see the label “Kurt's! Don't you dare ever touch!” on the side and he raises an eyebrow.

 

“Honey, what is this?” He asks me with a smirk playing on his still handsome face and small wrinkles appear on his forehead and around his eyes and mouth.

 

My beautiful husband. We are 48 now, married since forever and he still has the power to reduce me to a puddle of goo just with one look or a breathtaking smile. Blaine is the most passionate, caring and loving husband that I ever dared to hope for. We have 3 kids. Tommy is 20 and attending college in Boston and the twins Keira and Lizzy are 17 and well on their way to graduating high school. We live in New York.

 

“Oh my gosh, where did you find that?” I ask him and make grabby hands at the box.

 

“It was in the attic. I have never seen this box before. Did you hide this from me?” He waggles his triangle eyebrows and giggles.

 

“Well maybe in the beginning. And mostly I hid it from the kids and not from you. After I while I just forgot about it.” I confess and he puts the box next to my feet on the coffee table and sits down next to me.

 

“Are you willing to share the contents of that box or shall I leave you alone with it?” He asks me.

 

It is early on a Saturday evening and the twins have a sleepover at some friends house.

 

“Get yourself a glass of wine, my darling. This will take some time.” I grin at him and Blaine gets himself a glass from the kitchen. Meanwhile I open the box, put the contents on the table and watch Blaine's reaction with sparkling eyes.

 

“Are these diaries, Kurt?” He asks me with big eyes.

 

“Yes! These are all the diaries I wrote since I was 7. Would you like to dive into my past with me?” I gauge the look on his face when he smiles at me lovingly.

 

“You know you don't have to share this with me, right? This is very private and I wouldn't ask you to.” He looks a bit concerned but I know my husband like the back-pockets of my skin-tight jeans. He's curious as hell.

 

“I know, honey. I want to. But I assure you that if I find any passages which I don't want to share or are too hard for me to relive, I'll skip them. Okay? Are you ready to know everything about Kurt Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson?” I lift my glass to my lips and take a sip of my wine.

 

“I can't wait to see all your naughty entries, my little minx.” Blaine answers and I can't help it – I laugh out loud, put my glass back down and throw myself at my man to kiss him with a passion we can never get enough of.

 

My diaries all have a number written on the cover and I grab the one with No. 1 on it. I snuggle myself into my husbands side and open the first page:

 

_November 2001_

_Hello dear diary. My name is Kurt Hummel, I'm 7 years old and I have been to New York for the first time. My aunt and uncle live there and I want to live there when I'm tall and can do the subway on my own. My mommy and daddy are very proud of me and I have made a great friend in my elementary school. Her name is Britt. I can't spell her full name without help. My mommy says she can spell it for me but I don't want her to help me too much with writing this. She can help me in the beginning but when I can write even better I want to do this alone. Because she said that a diary is something private and I can write all I want and nobody is allowed to read this. But I think I my mommy can read this. She helps me with the words I can't write yet. Britt calls me a dolphin and says I'm a very special boy. I don't know what she means but I guess I'm okay with that. She is my bestest friend and has blue eyes and blonde pigtails. But not always. She sometimes has a ponytail too. We are always together in school and after school we play at her house or mine. Oh. It is time. She is here. I have to go, diary. I will come back to write some more when I know what I want to write the next time. I'm not sure that you want to read all this because I'm just a little boy and I don't do fancy things right now. But maybe I can write more about Britt or mommy and daddy. See you soon. Kurt_

 

“Oh my god! You were so cute, honey!” Blaine grins and places a soft kiss on my head.

 

I glare at him. “I was?”

 

“You still are, of course. But this first entry is so cute. I have no words. Did your mom help you write this?” He asks cautiously and strokes my hair.

 

“Yes, she did. But only a few entries. I didn't write really regularly back when I started. Only when something happened that required an entry. I was a good student and my writing got a lot better really fast.” I say and turn some pages until I find one with a picture of my mom in it. I gulp.

 

“Is this the day?” Blaine asks me with tears in his eyes when he spots my mom's picture.

 

“Yes.” I say and nod.

 

“You don't have to.” Blaine lays a hand on my trembling one.

 

“I know. I want to. Can you just hold me?” I sigh and lay back on Blaine's chest and read the next entry:

 

_August 2002_

_Hello dear diary. Today was a really sad day. We had to bury my mommy. She's in heaven now, daddy told me. It happened a few days ago. I was at Britt's house to play with her in the backyard. My mommy wanted to get me for dinner but she didn't come. Linda - that is Britt's mommy – had a very sad look on her face when she drove me home to my daddy. Daddy sat on the porch and cried when I got out of the car. He took me in his arms and I asked him where mommy is. He cried harder and said bye to Linda and took me by the hand and guided me inside the house. Mommy wasn't there either and daddy sat me down on the couch and told me that mommy had an accident with her car and someone hit her car and she didn't make it. She will never come home again. We cried a long time. I cry every day because my mommy is gone. I can't have tea-parties with her and she can't pat my hair when I go to bed. Daddy is sad too. He cries very much and he tries to hide it from me. I don't know what to do. We are all alone now, daddy and I. He works all the time and I'm at Britt's house even more nowt than before. I understand that daddy has to work to earn money that we can pay for everything. He can't cook and we have pizza and take out every day. I love my daddy but I miss my mommy so much. She read to me every night when I was in bed and she could make so many different voices. Daddy tries, but he's not as good as mommy. I wore a suit today at the cemetery and there were a lot of people crying too. They patted my cheeks and hugged daddy. Britt was there too and she held my hand all the time. Daddy did too. I threw a lily into mommy's grave. She loved lilies. I'm not sure when I will write again, diary. I'm so sad right now. Kurt_

 

I sniff and Blaine kisses the tears from my cheeks and hugs me tightly to his broad chest.

 

“Oh baby. You were so strong even at this age. I'm so sorry you had to go through all this.” He presses his mouth against my temple and I just breath him in.

 

“Wow. This was really hard to read. I'm good though, don't worry. Thank you for being so amazing, Blaine. You are my rock. I guess there will be more painful entries but this might be one of the saddest. So? Want to go on?” I ask and turn my head to look into Blaine's eyes.

 

“Sure. Go ahead. Whatever you want to share.” He says and I turn some pages until I find the one I was looking for:

 

_June 2003_

_Dear diary. Today I was at the playground with Britt. She wanted me to play with her and some other kids. I didn't want to. I'm shy with other children. So I sat on the bench and watched her play on the swings. There was a boy who watched me instead. I think he was pretty. He had dark curly hair, his pants had suspenders and on his neck he had a bow-tie. He came over to me and asked if he could sit on the bench too. He was very polite and said that I looked very sad. I told him I was and he reached for my hand. I looked into his eyes when he stroked the back of my hand. His eyes were pretty too. I don't know what they are called but they weren't only one color. Maybe gold, green and brown. I'm not sure. My heart started to beat faster than before and I don't know what happened. My cheeks felt really warm and my tummy was doing funny things. The boy didn't say much. He just looked at me and held my hand the whole time. Then there was a shriek and I saw Britt lying face down in the sand. I ran to her to look if she was okay and she started to laugh when she lifted her head from the sand. I was scared that she was hurt but she wasn't. Then she asked me where the other dolphin had gone and I didn't understand until she said that she meant the boy who sat with me on the bench. He was gone and I was sad. I haven't asked for his name or if he wanted to play some time. Britt was sad too and told me that maybe he will come back to the playground another day. Maybe he will. I hope so. He was pretty and he smelled nice. Today was a better day. Daddy is calling for me. I have to go. Today we will eat Chinese. I think I have to learn to cook. I can't eat this stuff all the time. See you next time, dear diary. Kurt_

 

Blaine has a smug grin on his face when I turn around to look at him.

 

“You were already in love with me. You loved me since we were 9 years old. Oh my god, Kurt. Why did you never tell me? And I'm so happy that you made notes of our first encounter. Oh my. I can't believe it. I remember some things of that day but thank you for writing it down for all eternity. Did I ever tell you that Cooper just grabbed me from the bench because he had a date with his girlfriend and didn't even let me say goodbye to you?” Blaine asks and shakes his head.

 

“No. I always wondered where you'd go. And yes, I guess it was love at first sight for me.” I smile dreamily and pucker my mouth for a kiss.

 

Blaine kisses me softly. “It was for me too, baby.”

 

“Gosh, we are such saps. Do you think that will ever change?” I ask and pull my legs up to curl against my husband.

 

“I hope not! I love that we are sappy. Okay, what comes next my darling 9 year old Kurtie?” Blaine chuckles and I only smirk.

 

“Let's have a look and we shall see.” I just say and turn the page.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Chapter 2 is up earlier than planned. I have a few days off. So enjoy! I'd love to read your opinion :-) Okay, smut is coming in chapter 3. If it's not your cup of tea, sorry, but I warned beforehand that it is M-rated
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters. Unfortunately...

Chapter 2

 

I scroll through some pages which don't contain anything interesting, when I stop on a page where I spot a picture of Britt and myself in front of McKinley high school. I show Blaine the picture and he laughs.

 

“Is that your first day at McKinley?”

 

I nod and he chuckles. “Baby, you look fabulous in your skin-tights and the black scarf.”

 

“I know, right?” I ask with a high pitched voice. “Nobody got my sense of fashion in fashion-less Ohio. Thank god that we live here now!” I grumble and Blaine ushers me to go on with the reading:

 

_September 2008_

_Dear diary._

_Oh goodness, my last entry was ages ago. I'm sorry. Will try to write more regularly from now on. ;-)_

_Linda drove us to our very first day at McKinley high school today. Ugh, we were not even inside the school when we bumped into a tiny brunette girl who had a horrible taste in fashion. I nearly had to puke over the reindeer-sweater. I'm still shuddering right now. She had the insolence to be offended and yelled at us in the middle of the parking lot. What a BITCH! I just glared at her and she ran off into the building. Britt and I got our timetables and THANK GOD, we have many classes together. My first day was okay, I guess. We ignored our classmates mostly. I'm still shy with others. At lunch we sat alone in a corner and eyed the other people. I have no clue what is going on in this school but I have already spotted polyester Letterman jackets and cheer-leading uniforms. Our teachers are okay so far. Let's see what tomorrow brings, harhar. See you, Kurt_

 

Blaine laughs like a maniac and has tears in his eyes. “Tell me, was that Rachel you wrote about?”

 

“Of course that was Rachel. Can you imagine another person wearing reindeer-sweaters?” I grin and pat Blaine's back.

 

“Oh god, I have the feeling that your next entries will be a lot of fun. Maybe I should put on some lounge clothes and visit the restroom real quick.” Blaine says and I get up from his lap to let him go. I can still hear him chuckle from the bedroom and shake my head at my silly husband.

 

I grab us a bite from the kitchen and plant myself back onto the couch, slowly sipping my wine and waiting for my husband to come back.

 

He enters the living room some minutes later and still, after all these years, my mouth goes dry and my palms start to sweat. He looks ridiculously delicious in his sweat-pants which are hanging low on his sharp hips and his tank top clings to every muscled curve of his tan upper body. He still works out as much as possible and his body is absolutely gorgeous. His curls are gloriously sticking in every direction – I guess he ran his fingers through them after getting changed – as he comes back to me. I gulp audibly and he snickers.

 

“Darling? Are you getting turned on? Just by watching me in my sweat-pants? We're not even at some juicy stuff in your diaries.” Blaine winks and I grab him around the waist to pull him onto the couch and climb on his lap again.

 

“Shhhh, less talking, more kissing.” I whisper and attack his warm, inviting mouth for a well practiced make-out session.

 

After a while Blaine pulls back and I start to whine desperately.

 

“Nooooooooo, no stopping. I'm getting horny and we have the house to ourselves tonight. The perfect opportunity to have sex anywhere we want, not just the bedroom.” I whimper and Blaine grins.

 

“Honey, I want to hear more from your diaries and then we can have sex later, when you describe your first kisses and make-outs and blow-jobs and so on. If we have sex now there's no way we can do it again later. I'm no teenager anymore. I'm an old man and happy to get it still up at some point.” Blaine says bluntly and I nearly break down with laughter.

 

“Oh baby. You are ridiculous. You know very well that we still have sex daily and your stamina is fabulous for our age. So stop complaining and kiss me some more.” I grab his face and push my tongue into his grinning mouth.

 

But again he pulls back. “Come on, Kurt. I promise to do whatever you want me to do later. Let's just read some more and you can have your wicked way with me afterward.”

 

I tilt my head to one side and tap my lips with my index-finger. “Hmmmm. This offer is really tempting. I guess we should negotiate. So you're saying if I read you some more from my diary – let's say for another hour or two – you will let me prep myself while you watch and then I can ride you until you pass out?” I watch him cockily and he throws his head against the backrest of the couch and groans.

 

“Ngh, you are so mean. You know that, right? Now you got me all horny. Wanna have sex now?” He sighs and strokes my thighs.

 

“No way will I pass up the chance to have my way with you without any complaints. And I mean no whining. We'll have this my way. Later. Much. Later.” I smirk and caress his cheek. He groans again.

 

“Okay, meanie. Go on with your diary then and don't come near my dick or I'll explode and the fun will be over before it starts.” Blaine states and pats my butt.

 

I slide off his lap and curl against his side again, grab the diary and open the next interesting entry:

 

_July 2009_

_Dear diary._

_It has been a while again, I know. The summer was boring and apart from working at the garage I spent my time with Britt. We haven't made any friends in our freshman year but I'm totally okay with it. Most of the students are dumb jackasses or obnoxious brats. Britt and I were on our own most of the time and I think our classmates think that we're a couple. What the hell? I'm as gay as they come and if they don't see that, fine with me. But honestly? How blind are these people? Just because we hold hands in the hallways we have to be together? Gah..._

_I think Britt wants to have a boyfriend soon. She always talks about how she wants to kiss someone already. She told me that she wants to try out for the Cheerios (our cheerleaders) to gain more popularity, meet new people. I'm not sure what to think about it. I have the feeling that she will retreat from me in a way. I'm scared to lose her. What do I have if she abandons me? So maybe I was mean and jealous and told her that she can do whatever she wants because she doesn't respect MY feelings and that she's a bad friend. We didn't speak for nearly a week. It was killing me. Well in the end we made up and she promised me that she would never abandon me. That we will be friends forever. I'm still afraid. We'll see what will happen when she starts cheer-leading._

_Off topic: This summer I started to jerk off. I was curious and after the first few times where I had no real idea what to do I have to admit it's fun and I can imagine myself with a boy in the near future. Not necessarily doing THIS to one another in the beginning. I'm a romantic. He has to court me for at least some months before I really think about being intimate in this kind of way. But I want to kiss and someone who sweeps me off my feet. Will I find him at McKinley? I don't think so... I just hope that I don't have to wait until I go to college. I guess, that will be it for now. See you, Kurt_

 

“Oooooooh now we come to the interesting stuff, huh? Jerking off all summer? Oh baby. Wanna show me, what you did?” Blaine smiles teasingly.

 

“Nope. I have other plans, you know that. Don't distract me. And for the record, I know you started jerking off way before me so shut up.” I smack his thigh and scroll through some more pages in the diary.

 

“What did you think about when you started?” He asks me with a curious glance.

 

“Well, I just thought about a faceless, handsome guy. I didn't need much imagination when I started to stroke my dick and pinch my nipples.” I furrow by brow and think for a moment. “Wait, when I recall it properly, he had dark curls.”

 

Blaine huffs and kisses the top of my head. “You are ridiculous, wonderful husband of mine.”

 

“No, I really mean it. Since the day we met at the playground all my jerk-off-fantasy-boys had dark curly hair. You made an incredible impact on me.” I kiss him chastely and start to read the next entry:

 

_September 2009_

_Dear diary._

_I really want to have a boyfriend. I want to have my first kiss, I want fireworks, I want love. I'm a teenager. I have feelings. Oh I can't even describe how boring the boys of McKinley are. They have bad manners, bad breath and bad hygiene. And officially they are all straight. My few visits to the showers of the boys locker room provided all this. OH MY GOD! These boys are disgusting. I will have to find ways to skip PE-classes from now on. I can't put a foot back into these showers ever again._

_Britt started training with the Cheerios and as predicted, she doesn't have much time for me now. We see each other in classes and every once in a while after school. But she's changing. Maybe we're changing. She introduced me to two of her new friends. Quinn and Santana. Quinn is the typical beauty queen. Blonde, petite, beautiful. But she's kinda bigheaded and we don't get along very well. She doesn't get my snark. Well, it's her loss. Santana is quite the opposite. She's beautiful too, but she has dark hair and brown eyes. A real Latina. And her attitude is very similar to mine. Maybe that's why we're always eying each other suspiciously. And she's very possessive of Britt. Hm, I'm not sure what her motives are._

_Then there's Mercedes. She's a black girl I met in my calculus class. We sit together at lunch now. Us 5._

_Funny thing: Mercedes hit on me the other day... she thought I was straight. HAHAHAHA. I'm still not over the fact that some people really think that. I let her down gently, I hope. She wasn't offended. I told her that I had that big crush on my curly-haired-playground-boy when I was 9 years old. She was in awe and said that we probably would have made a cute couple. We've become good friends and we often meet in the mall or the Lima Bean after school. Sometimes Britt, Santana and Quinn come too. Have to go. Mercedes is waiting. Goodbye for now, Kurt_

 

I giggle and take the picture of Mercedes, Britt, Santana, Quinn and myself out of the diary to show it to Blaine.

 

“Aw honey, look at you five. What a beautiful friendship,” Blaine caresses my face on the picture.

 

“It was nice, yes. But Quinn and I never had any deep feelings for each other. It felt more like we had to be civil with each other for Britt's sake, you know?” I look at the picture and put it back into the diary to turn some more pages:

 

_January 2010_

_Dear diary._

_You won't believe it! Mr. Shuester, our Spanish teacher, revived the old Glee club. YAY. I'm in, of course. Britt, Mercedes, Santana and Quinn are too. Unfortunately the obnoxious girl from our first day as freshmen (reindeer-sweater-girl) is too. Her name is Rachel and she didn't change a bit from last year. Ugh... I don't have a problem with her being driven and ambitious – I am too – but she's self-centered, loud, nosy, tiring and so much more. The worst is, she pretends to be the star of the club and Mr. Shue supports her in her obnoxiousness. We ignore her most of the time. Best thing is: Santana hates her and she makes the best comments possible. I laughed so hard the last time._

_Quinn and Rachel fight over the attention and affection of our new Glee club member Finn Hudson – football player, tall, clumsy and kind of good looking. He has a nice voice. Mercedes asked me if he would be the kind of guy who would pique my interest and I can honestly say that he isn't. The other members of the New Directions (I KNOOOOOOOOW, I hate the name...) are Noah Puckerman – football player, tall, Mohawk and self-proclaimed bad boy. He wants us to call him Puck. I refuse (of course) and call him Noah, just because. The next is Mike Chang – Asian guy who can dance like a god and has abs like a xylophone (I know, I objectify the poor boy but come on... though he isn't my type he has a gorgeous body). Tina Cohen-Chang (not related to Mike Chang) is a bit shy but she's kinda nice. And Artie Abrahams. He's sitting in a wheelchair and is mostly on his own, but he's friendly and gets along with everyone. We're a bunch of different people but the club is fun. I need to get a solo, though. All solos go to one Rachel Berry at the moment. DIVA...I need to practice some more songs... Have to go. See you sooner, hopefully. Kurt_

 

Blaine peeks over my shoulder to have a look at our first group picture in the choir room of McKinley.

 

“You all look really happy in that picture.” He states and nuzzles my neck.

 

“Yeah, we really were.” I say and stroke the picture.

 

“How are you the only person Puck lets call him Noah?” Blaine frowns and looks at me.

 

“Rachel does too, but she mostly calls him Puck anyway. And Noah loves me, that's why.” I snicker and scan the next pages until I find what I was looking for:

 

_February 2010_

_Dear diary._

_It's been bad today. I have bruises all over my back. The throwing into the dumpsters has mostly passed. I still hate the slushie-facials. It's fucking cold and I don't get the stains out of my clothes. I can live with the name-calling. It's been this way all year now. It started after they discovered that I am gay. But now they are shoving me against the lockers. It hurts like a bitch. I don't know their names for sure. To me, they are just nameless jocks. Football-players and hockey-players. I don't care about their names. I just want some peace. Dad hasn't seen any bruises yet. I'm so thankful for my own bathroom these days. I just want them to stop. The other day when one of them shoved me again, Finn was directly behind me and he turned around and hurried away. I don't understand his behavior. He's just a scared little boy. And here I thought the guys from Glee were different or even supportive. Well Mike and Artie are, but they can't do much. These idiots won't break me. They won't take me down. I'm better than them. I will leave this hellhole after high school while these jackasses are working at a diner or burger place._

_I'm afraid I can't lay on my back tonight. Fuck..._

_Enough of the sad stuff. I'd better start my homework. See you soon. Kurt_

 

Blaine starts to kiss along my neck and deeper over my back. He ghosts his hands in the most gentle way over all my back and my sides. I relax into his touch and lay my head back onto his shoulder.

 

“I'm so sorry, baby. I know how hard this was for you and I wish I could erase these memories from your mind for all times. But I know I can't and that hurts. I wish I was there to help you back then.” Blaine sighs and wraps his arms around my chest.

 

I put my hands over his and caress them. “Honey no! I know. It's okay. I got through it and it made me stronger and braver in a way. I'm okay. I don't linger on these times anymore. I didn't forget it, but I forgave these brainless boys a long time ago. Let's just go on. The next one I have in mind will be interesting for you. It was shortly before the summer break at the end of sophomore year.”

 

I turn the pages:

 

_May 2010_

_Dear diary._

_I'm so scared that I will lose Britt. She is so busy with school and Cheerios that we don't see each other more than a few times over the week in school and maybe on a weekend. She's withdrawing from me. And what is my brilliant idea to change that? Yes! I'm the biggest idiot in the world. After the last class I took her hand and led her to the bleachers and sat her down. She was worried and asked me what was wrong and I nearly yelled that I wanted to kiss her. She was a bit shocked and asked me why in the world her dolphin wanted to kiss her – a girl._

_I just told her that I wanted my first kiss to be now and with someone whom I trust and she would be the only person who I could imagine it with. She gave me a quick peck on my lips and I told her that was not what I meant and then she dove in for another kiss. She quickly tried to deepen the kiss and caressed my lower lip with her tongue. I parted my lips a bit and she licked her way into my mouth. It was weird. It felt like kissing a sibling or something like that. I pulled back quickly and told her that it was a bad idea. She said that she never got complaints from other boys or girls she had kissed until now and I reassured her that it wasn't bad, just weird for me. After some awkward glances she promised me that we were still best friends and that she would never abandon me. I hope she will keep her word. I miss her like crazy and I asked her if we were okay. She said yes. We made our pinkie-promise and I made her swear that she wouldn't tell anyone that I coaxed her into kissing me. I'm glad that it wasn't weird anymore after a little talking. It was like old times and we laughed on our way back to the parking lot. We hugged each other one last time before we stepped into Linda's car who brought us home._

_How in the world could I convince my best friend to kiss me for the first time? I always imagined my first kiss with my first boyfriend. Well, shit..._

 

_Next topic: Finn and Carole moved in with us and I have to share my basement room with Finn now. GREAT. No privacy and sharing my bathroom with a boy who is as messy as Finn is horrible. Dad promised that it's temporary and that we will move into a bigger house over the summer. I hope my new room will be miles from Finn's. Ugh._

_I love Carole. She's so warmhearted and she's a good cook. Finally I can let someone else do the cooking and dad still gets healthy food. They will marry soon. I'm totally okay with that. And the best is: I WILL PLAN THE WEDDING! YES!!!_

_Oh, have to go. Finn is coming downstairs and he has company. See you, Kurt_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Did you like it? I hope so. Smut in the following chapters. Kurt is getting older... See you next week :-) Greets, Dana


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my wonderful beta Nat. <3
> 
> I promised you smut, here you go. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

 

I nervously wiggle my legs on the coffee table and dare to eye my husband's reaction to my last entry. What I didn't expect was that I couldn't see any reaction on his face. And I know my husband and his facial expressions pretty good.

 

“Was it really that weird for you? Your first kiss with your best girl-friend?” He asks me with a curious look.

 

“Let me explain this with the knowledge I have now. The reason I asked her to kiss me was wrong. I tried to get her closer again. The way I tried to do that was ridiculous. But it's not that I really regret it or anything. It happened. It was weird, I got over it and we moved on from that. You know how much I love Britt. It would have been so much worse if we had sex.” I say smugly and waggle my eyebrows.

 

“Kurt! Oh my god! You were 15!” He laughs with a shocked look.

 

“First, it was only a week before my 16th birthday and second: So? You won't believe how many of my classmates and Glee club friends already had sex at that age. I was shocked. Quinn fell pregnant at 15. Gosh, I wonder what Beth looks like. She must be 32 now.” I think aloud and shake my head.

 

“Want to move on? What's coming next?” Blaine asks and pulls me back against his chest.

 

“Lemme look.” I scan the next pages until I stop again when I find my next worthy entry. “Oh honey, I'm looking forward to your reaction after his one.” I smile mischievously and start to read:

 

_October 2010_

_Dear diary._

_I'm drooling. Metaphorically. We have a new student. His name is Simon. He's GORGEOUS!!! Blonde, tall, well built, great ass. He eyes me every time we see each other in the hallways or at lunch. My gaydar kicked in and I'm pretty sure he's gay. And he seems to be interested in me. YES! I make it a bit easier for him to approach me. Whenever we meet I bat my eyelashes and for good measure I sway my hips when I pass him. Mercedes said he stares at my butt every time I do that. Huh. So I'll give him another week or two to ask me out. I have to plan my outfit for tomorrow. Have to go. Wish me luck. Kurt_

 

“Oh yes. I remember you told me about Simon. Oh my god what a moron. You were really excited in the beginning, right?” Blaine huffs and ushers me to go on.

 

He knows this story already. Well not in so many details, I think. So I turn to the next page:

 

_October 2010_

_Dear diary._

_Ugh. I despise that moron. What an ASSHOLE._

_Today before lunch Simon stopped me in the hallway and asked me if I had a minute for him to speak in private. He pulled me gently into an empty classroom and closed the door. Then he crowded my personal space and without any warning I felt his lips on mine. At first I was too shocked to move, but after a moment I closed my eyes and let him lead the kiss. It was nice, wet and soft as our tongues met to play but I didn't feel any sparks or the longing to keep going. So I ended the kiss slowly and pulled back to look into his face. I asked him what that was for and he tried to kiss me again. I stopped him right there and asked what exactly he was hoping for and he told me bluntly that he thought I was hot and he wanted to make out with me. He wasn't interested in a relationship or anything like that but that we could be friends with benefits to hook up from time to time without attachment or feelings. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???_

_I was – and still am – so furious that he thinks of me as a cheap conquest with whom he can play whenever he wants. I told him quite loud that I'm not that kind of guy and definitely not interested in something like that. When I left the classroom I threw him a glare and told him to never ever try to kiss me again. He called me a prude and a tease. Thank you very much, asshole. I gave my first kiss with a boy to such an imbecile. I'm disappointed. In that idiot and myself. Not that he forced me or something, but I thought he was a nice guy. Oh boy, I was so wrong. And I didn't feel anything special. FUCK... I hope he will leave me alone from now on. Gosh, this is hopeless. How do I find a nice guy? I will go to the mall and look for something to lift my mood. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Exactly like I thought. Moron. I'm so sorry you gave yourself to such an idiot.” Blaine states and rubs my arms to give me some comfort.

 

“Thank you, honey. As with Britt, I'm glad it was only a kiss and nothing more. Want to go on?” I ask and he nods. I turn the page:

 

_November 2010_

_Dear diary._

_OMG! I found him! My playground-boy. I FOUND HIM AND HE'S FUCKING GORGEOUS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH_

_Okay, from the start. Fuck, I'm still squealing like a schoolgirl._

_I was at the Lima Bean with Mercedes. We were talking about Glee club when someone came in as I was going to get myself a refill. I stood in line and in front of me was a slightly smaller guy with a mop of dark curls. Every time I see a guy with curls my hearts stops. But it was never him. Until today. He ordered a regular coffee. When the barista asked for his name he said “Blaine” and paid his coffee. His voice is so fucking beautiful. He turned slightly and our eyes met. BOOM. I was done. It was him. His eyes. I never forgot his incredible eyes. He smiled warmly and said hi. I swooned and nearly fainted. I said hi back and he asked for my name. I told him my name and he thought for a moment but then shook his head. I said that I remember him from when we met at a playground age 9 and his eyes got big. He said something like 'it's you' and I nodded. He paid for my mocha and we couldn't stop staring at each other. I asked him if he wanted to sit with Mercedes and I and he said yes. So we sat down at our table and and I just nodded at Mercedes curious look. She understood in an instant and excused herself after a short introduction. WOW. I'm still high on adrenaline. We talked and talked and talked and stared in each others eyes. His smile, his eyes, his hair, his smell, his body, his … OMG … I can't. We exchanged numbers and I'm trying so hard not to text him right now, barely 30 minutes after we parted. I'm not even sure if he's gay. Well if he isn't, I'd like to have him as a friend at least. OMG what if he isn't gay??? I'm so fucked... I'M IN LOVE WITH BLAINE <3 _

_Okay, I'll text him now. See you, Kurt_

 

“Oh baby! This is so incredibly cute! Hey, you played it so cool back then. I had no idea you were in love with me.” Blaine grins and kisses me passionately. I whimper and he pulls back.

 

“If we don't stop making out I will ravish you right now, Blaine. Either we do it now or you stop making me so horny and we go on with the reading. You choose. But choose wisely and promptly. I need to cool off or get the lube and get laid.” I state with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Such a romantic! Go get the lube. Don't want to wait anymore. And don't you dare get rid of your clothes by yourself. I want to do it. Hurry!” Blaine laughs and throws a pillow my way.

 

I hurry into our bedroom, get the lube from the nightstand and nearly run back to find my husband on the couch. Tank top already lying on the armrest and palming himself over his sweatpants.

 

“Hey, don't start without me!” I cry out and jump onto his lap to straddle him and kiss him desperately.

 

I run my hands slowly and teasingly over his chest and over his shoulders. Blaine pulls at the hem of my shirt and we get instantly rid of it. Warm chest to warm chest we caress each other until Blaine grabs my butt to pull me even closer. When I feel his erection against my ass I moan loudly into his mouth. I start to grind against his dick and he closes his lips around my right nipple to suck on it. He runs his tongue over the nub and I put my hands in his curls and tug lightly. We're both moaning and I can't keep it any longer.

 

“Honey, please get rid of your pants and mine and start opening me. Can't wait any longer.” I pant and climb from his lap to stand in front of him.

 

Blaine hooks his fingers into the waistband of my pants and pulls them down. Including my underwear. I step out of them and I'm engulfed in the wet heat of Blaine's perfect mouth.

 

“Oh fuck! Blaine go slow or I'll come in the next 5 seconds and I still want to ride you.”

 

I watch him dribble some lube into his hand and reach around to my butt when I spread my legs a bit wider to give him more room as he sucks me slowly. He teases one finger around my hole until I'm relaxed and he pushes inside.

 

“YES,” I yell. “I need more. Give me more.”

 

We're up to 3 fingers very fast and I get impatient. I tap Blaine's shoulder and he pulls his fingers slowly out to lube himself up quickly. Blaine settles back on the couch and I climb in his lap again, guiding his cock inside me and take him in in one go.

 

“Shit! Wait, Kurt. Don't move yet or I'm coming embarrassingly fast. Give me a second.” Blaine pants and grips my hips tightly.

 

I stay still as ordered and stroke through his hair lovingly. After all these years we know each other perfectly. In our every-day-life and the bedroom. So I see the signs, when he's ready and I don't have to wait for his go. I start to move slowly. Gyrating my hips and starting a slow dance of moving up and down on his cock. We both moan and pant, grip each other tightly and kiss wet and passionately. Tongues dancing around each other and lips nipping at jaws and necks and teeth scraping over sensitive skin. The pleasure is slowly creeping up my spine and I can't stand the slow pace anymore. I guide Blaine's hands back to my hips and he gets the memo.

 

“Fuck. So good, baby. Keep going, don't stop,” I moan. When my rising and falling gets faster he bucks up into me at an equally faster pace and hits my prostate every time until I scream his name and come all over both our chests. After another couple of thrusts, Blaine comes inside me with a loud groan and we embrace each other tightly when my phone starts to ring.

 

“Who the hell is that?” Blaine asks disbelievingly and chuckles against my chest.

 

“It's Lizzy. Do you want to talk to her? It might be important.” I ask, still panting and trying to get my heartbeat back under control.

 

“No, go ahead. Answer her but put her on speaker,” Blaine grins.

 

“Yes, Lizzy. What's up?” I ask a bit breathless when I answer the phone.

 

“Dad? You and papa are having sex right? I know your sex-voice. Ugh. Please tell me you are in your own bedroom this time.” Lizzy sighs into the phone.

 

“Young lady, that is none of your business and why the hell aren't you just pretending that you don't know anything about your papa's and my sex-life? And I don't think you actually called to ask about that so what's up?” I ask again while Blaine snickers silently and I throw him a glare to shut him up.

 

“Okay, you are not in your bedroom. Oh dad, please tell me you didn't do it on the couch again.” Lizzy states and I'm about to snarl at her when she continues, “forget it, don't wanna know! So I called to ask if it would be okay, if Keira and I get back tomorrow at dinnertime? We would like to stay at Stacy's for the afternoon to help clean up and all that.”

 

Blaine nods and I just say, “fine, but please don't be late for dinner, okay?”

 

“Thank you dad and I love you both. Give papa a big kiss from us. And enjoy whatever you're doing right now. See you tomorrow.” With that she ends the call and I just look dumbly at my husband.

 

“We weren't like this when we were 17 years old.” I just say and shake my head in disbelief.

 

Blaine smirks and says, “of course we were. And please don't forget that the twins are biologically yours so let me tell you that they are exactly like you, when you were 17.”

 

“Not fair! Tommy was so much nicer at 17.” I whine and lay my head on Blaine's shoulder.

 

“Of course he was, he's biologically mine.” He cackles and I slap his head softly.

 

“What do you think? Let's get cleaned up and then we read some more?” I ask. Blaine nods and carries me into our bathroom and into the shower.

 

After a quick clean-up we get dressed again and sit back on the couch to continue with my diary.

 

“So what happened after our incredible meeting?” Blaine asks and I smile at him.

 

“You'll see. Let's get cozy and let me look what's coming next in the thrilling life of one Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.”

 

Blaine laughs, I turn the page and we start reading:

 

_November 2010_

_Dear diary._

_Blaine and I met nearly every day for coffee. He's perfect. I'm not sure if I should make a move and tell him that I like him. Like more than friends. What if he's not interested in me the same way. I mean we have great chemistry and I throw him the occasional heart-eyes. But he never made a move on me. Why hasn't he made a move on me yet? I'm so unsure and afraid to scare him away. God, I really have to behave when we are together. Yesterday I nearly threw myself in his lap when he swallowed his coffee. I had to grip the table to keep me in place. EMBARRASSING. What the fuck is wrong with me? I never was this desperate before. I'm still shy and I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to get intimate. Screw the others. Let them have sex and hook up all the time. That's not me. But I'm done waiting. I WANT BLAINE! NOW. I want to kiss him and snuggle with him and hold hands and smell him. Ugh. What shall I do? Maybe I should invite him over to my place and we can listen to some music and sing a duet and I can inadvertently let something slip to the floor and bend over and look if he checks my butt out. Hm, maybe I should try that. It will give me a hint if he's interested or not. Yeah, good plan. I need to text Blaine and suggest a visit at my house. See you soon, hopefully with a boyfriend. Kurt_

 

“Honey, were you this oblivious? How did you not get that I was so attracted to you. I could barely hold it together,” Blaine laughs out loud.

 

“You hid that very well, my dear husband. I had no clue. I thought you just wanted me as a friend,” I sigh and kiss Blaine on the tip of his nose.

 

“On the contrary, my love. I can imagine what your next entry will be. I was so happy when you invited me over to your house. With no parents in sight, just Finn who kept annoying us. Can we go on? I'd like to know how it was from your point of view.” Blaine grins and I just nod and turn the page:

 

_December 2010_

_Dear diary._

_I'm trembling. I'm weak in the knees. I'm panting. I'm grinning. I'm squealing. I'm doing kicky-feet. I'm happy._

_BLAINE KISSED ME!!! <3 OMG, OMG, OMG_

_I don't know where to start. Okay, so Blaine came over today. I invited him to my room because Finn wasn't home yet. We listened to some music and Blaine told me how much he liked my room. He looked so good and he was so sweet. We sang “Baby it's cold outside” together. OMG that was so romantic. I bet I made a complete fool of myself with all my swooning and the constant heart-eyes, I threw at him. But it seemed like he didn't mind. We talked a bit, Blaine got flirty and we sat on my bed next to each other. Blaine came nearer every minute until our thighs brushed against each other. We locked eyes and Blaine's face was suddenly only an inch away from mine. I shut my eyes and closed the gap between us until our lips met. FIREWORKS! I saw and felt fucking fireworks..._

_Blaine gasped and I sighed as our lips moved in a slow, beautiful dance. Blaine opened his mouth and sucked my lower lip into his mouth. I opened my mouth too and he slipped his tongue into my mouth and that's where I couldn't hold back anymore. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and we started to kiss with much more fervor. It was wet and warm and delicious and just perfect. Until my door burst open and Finn stood in the doorway. Dumbstruck and with a slack jaw he stammered an apology and shut the door again. I was angry as fuck and embarrassed by Finn's behavior. Blaine giggled and caressed my cheek to reassure me that it was okay. I wanted to throw a fit at Finn but Blaine calmed me with another kiss. I could kiss him 24/7. I love kissing. Most of all kissing Blaine. His kisses make me weak and I can't get enough. After what felt like hours but was only 10 minutes tops, we parted slowly, Blaine asked me to be his boyfriend and if I was willing to go on a proper date with him. Of course I said yes. We'll go to the movies on Saturday night. Can't wait. Why's it only Thursday??? After another couple of kisses and promises of a phone-call in the evening, Blaine went home and I had a word with Finn about privacy. He promised me to always knock from now on and I threatened to blackmail him, if he ever tried to interrupt my dates again. I think I made pretty clear that we need to stick together against our parents if we ever want to have the chance of a normal dating life. He agreed with me and from now on we will cover for each other. HA! It's nice to have a brother after all. See you after my date with Blaine! Kurt xo_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next update, next week. See ya soon, Dana


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello again dear friends. Here is Chapter 4. Warnings for smut. Sorry. The boys are 16 ;-). Thanks again to my beta Verseau_87. Love you sweetie.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters.

Chapter 4

 

“Aw baby, that kiss was magical for me too. I felt like flying afterward. And when I think about it, I always wondered when you made that deal with Finn. I'm still grateful that he agreed back then though. We would have struggled so much to be alone if it wasn't for Finn.” Blaine laughs and I just grin. “You were a fierce little thing at 16. Well you still are, but it was special at that age. Do you see yourself in the twins now?”

 

I chuckle, “well, I suppose they are a lot like me. Poor dad. How did he do that on his own until Carole came along?” I snuggle back into Blaine's embrace and shake my head when I think about myself age 16 or 17. “I should call him real fast.”

 

Blaine hands me my phone and I dial my dad's number.

 

“Hey kiddo. Everything alright? Something wrong with the kids? Blaine?” Dad asks in a hushed and concerned voice.

 

“Hey dad. All good, don't worry. I just wanted to say hi.” I tell him and smile when he sighs in relief.

 

“Well, that's great. Hi,” he chuckles.

 

“Dad? I just wanted to say thank you for being the most incredible dad a person can ever wish for.” I say quietly and try to will away the already forming tears.

 

“Kurt? Are you sure you're okay?” My dad asks.

 

“Yes, I am. I'm just so grateful for you and mom of course and I just wanted to make sure that you know that. I must have been a nightmare as a teenager,” I tell him and I can practically hear him grin.

 

“Did you finally accept that the twins are just like you were at their age? I've been trying to convince you for years now that they are mini-Kurt's. Did Blaine finally get through to you or was it something else?” My dad asks and I can hear Carole laugh in the background.

 

I grumble and murmur “we are reading my old diaries right now and I have to admit, I was a pain in the butt as a teenager.”

 

“Just when you were a teenager? Come on, Kurt. You never quit being... um... let's call it headstrong. Ask Blaine!”

 

“Dad!” I groan, “I get it, okay? Whatever. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and mom.” Blaine grins and makes a kissy face. “And Blaine sends lots of kisses, it seems.”

 

“I love you too, kiddo. And kisses back to your husband. I love him too. And the kids. Oh and Carole sends her love too.” Dad says in a hurry.

 

“Will pass that all along. See you soon!” I end the call and sigh heavily.

 

“Are you okay, honey?” Blaine strokes my arms and I nod.

 

“Yes, just kind of tired. And melancholic, I think. Nothing bad, I promise. Did I ever thank you for being the most perfect husband in the whole world?” I say softly and nuzzle my nose against Blaine's in a sweet Eskimo kiss.

 

“Honey, I'm not perfect, but we're perfect for each other. And I have my flaws too. It's just that we understand each other perfectly and we can give each other the space we need sometimes. We function as a family and as husbands on such a deep level that I can't imagine having that with anyone else. So thank YOU for keeping me for all these years through all we had to face in the past and probably still in the future.” Blaine says and I start crying.

 

“I love you. You have no idea how much.” I sniff through some sobs, throw myself into his lap and let him hug me tightly.

 

“I love you too, honey. So so much.” Blaine smiles and kisses my temple. “Do you want to stop for today and go on tomorrow or do you want to continue?”

 

“What time is it?” I ask Blaine because I don't wear a watch.

 

“It's barely 9pm. Do you want to go to bed?” Blaine rubs my back and I purr like our cat Charlie.

 

“Not yet. Let's do some more. The next one is our first date. Let me swoon on paper. Wait. Our first date started kind of weird. My dad scared you like crazy, right?” I chuckle and Blaine groans.

 

“Yes! Oh my god, how did I forget that? I felt like a 6 year old kid who got caught shoplifting. Come on, let's read.” Blaine sighed and I grinned into the diary.

 

_December 2010_

_Dear diary._

_I'm back from my very first date. It was so so good. I'm still swooning and my lips are tingling. I look well kissed and my dad embarrassed me at the door. Twice. If he will continue that on my next dates we need to have a heart-to-heart. I'm nearly an adult and I have my very first boyfriend. OMG. Blaine had to be terrified before he even had the chance to say hello. Okay, let me start:_

_I was getting ready for our date and was just finishing with my hair when the doorbell rang. I yelled that I was on my way but dad ignored me and went for the door. Just as I ran down the stairs he pulled the door open and took a good look at Blaine from head to toes. Blaine stood there with big eyes and an outstretched hand which my father shook after a moment. I hurried over and stood next to dad who then told me to wait in the kitchen until he was done with Blaine. I grumbled and shot Blaine an apologizing smile. Blaine only gulped and dad waited until I was out of earshot. But I didn't close the kitchen door fully so I could eavesdrop. Dad asked Blaine a few questions about himself and his parents. Then he asked about his intentions towards me and I nearly ran over to rescue Blaine. But I knew I couldn't. Damn dad, he had to threaten my boyfriend. Blaine stuttered out that he liked me from the minute we met at the playground all those years ago and he couldn't forget me. He promised dad to treat me like a prince and that he would try to make me as happy as I would let him as long as I let him. OMG I still swoon. He's so romantic. My little heart is still beating like crazy. After dad told him that he would send Finn after him if he ever hurt me intentionally or treat me bad he patted him on the shoulder and yelled for me to come to the door. I tried to act as if I didn't hear a word they said but my dad knows me too well. He glared at me, wished us a nice evening and reminded me of my curfew. We couldn't get out fast enough. Blaine led me to his car and opened the passenger door for me. Not that I'm a girl but I enjoyed Blaine's manners and he didn't treat me like a girl either. The car drive was relatively quiet and I apologized for dad's behavior. Blaine was awesome and understood completely. He told me that he's happy that my dad loves me so much and that it's his job to threaten every boy who wants to date me. Well, I don't know about that but I understood what he meant. I love dad and he's looking out for me. I'm just happy that Blaine wasn't so intimidated by him that he blew our date off. Well. We arrived at the cinema and had 2 seats in the back row. Perfect for making out. HA! Okay, we started to watch the movie, ate some popcorn and threw glances at each other while brushing our hands together but not even 30 minutes later we WERE making out. Thank god that nobody was paying us any attention. That could have gone so wrong in lil' old Lima. It was AWESOME. Holy hell Blaine kisses like a pro and I have to admit that at some point I got really hard. Fuck my hormones. I was horny as hell. I guess, Blaine was too because he actively avoided to let me near his lower body in any way. I have to say: I love being kissed on my neck. Oh boy, when Blaine sucked at some spots on my neck I became pliant like a puddle of goo. I may have let out some embarrassing noises. Don't care. It was SO worth it. And I have two brand new hickeys. After we left the cinema Blaine brought me back home and parked a few houses down the road. We kissed some more in the car and when my alarm went off we still shared some slow sweet pecks, grinning like idiots. Did I mention that I love kissing Blaine? He tastes like summer and winter in combination with just pure Blaine. He drove me home and accompanied me to the door. We stood on our porch and I kissed him one last time passionately when dad decided to ruin the moment and opened the door. He said something like 'put him down Anderson'. It was freaking embarrassing. I groaned and Blaine promised to text me in the morning. I watched him drive away and dad ordered me into the living room. Yeah, now it's getting even more embarrassing. Dad is cruel. He saw my hickeys and said we needed THE TALK. I have never been more afraid to talk with dad. After some silent glances at each other and nervous coughing he handed me some pamphlets about gay sex and told me that I matter and I don't have to throw myself at the first gay boy who is interested in me. He said that he likes Blaine and is happy for both of us. The best part was when he said that he wouldn't stand in our way to get intimate when the time would come because he knows that I would find a way to get what I wanted but to be safe all the time and to please not have sex in the car. He knows that it's way more difficult for gay teens than for straight ones (especially here) and he wants us to not get in any danger in public. Okay, when I recall the talk I think he gave me permission to have sex in my room. AWESOME!!! Well we're not THERE yet but I'm so happy that dad understands me and he trusts me so much to not disappoint him in that way. Well, I'll never have sex in my room when he's around – that's for sure. But the possibilities. Oh the possibilities... I guess I will text Blaine now. Let him know what my dad said. Maybe not the whole conversation. This is so exciting. I read the pamphlets already and there wasn't so much news in there. I educated myself already this summer because I was curious so I know the... um... mechanics. I'm not sure what I want for my first time. Topping or bottoming? Hm let's not get there right now, or I'll get horny again. I'd better call Mercedes and Britt now. See ya soon, Kurt_

 

“Oh honey.” Blaine starts to laugh and I slap his thigh.

 

“Don't even say a word! Be grateful that I let you read all my secret thoughts and my most vulnerable experiences.” I shoot him a playful glare and he hugs me tightly.

 

“I know that and I really am grateful. It's so wonderful that you chose to write down all those memories and experiences and that I have the honor for you to share that with me. So thank you, darling. I really mean that. And if I had known back then that you basically had the permission from your dad to do all that intimate stuff I would probably have been more forthcoming in that department.” Blaine grins and I giggle at that.

 

“I was scared like crazy that your dad would find out and throw me out of the house. And now that I think of it – you were always at ease when we were caught making out. Now I know why, you little rogue.” Blaine bops my nose with a finger and I wink at him when he continues.

 

“I remember those times fondly. Making out in your room with your door wide open and suddenly your dad is in the doorway clearing his throat rather loudly and I wanted to shrink into your mattress from embarrassment. He was always giving me 'the look' and you just grinned. Wow. Now I appreciate your dad more than ever. He was so trusting in us and our decisions at 16. It is a really big step now that we have kids of our own that age. Are we too strict with the twins? Or were we with Tommy?” Blaine ends his monologue and has a thoughtful look on his face.

 

I grab his chin with my thumb and index-finger to pull his focus back to me. “First of all, dad knew me and my romantic heart. So he trusted me to make the right decisions. Second, he liked you from the beginning and had faith in you, that you would treat me right and wouldn't pressure me into anything I wasn't ready for. Not that he needed to fear that. I was the one who initiated all the intimate stuff in the beginning because I knew that dad was okay with it as long as he didn't have to witness us being intimate. Apart from the making out. I lost count how many times he interrupted us intentionally and joked about it later with mom and Finn. And don't remind me of the times he did catch us having rather loud sex when we thought we were alone. Oh god, that was really mortifying.” I groan and Blaine cackles behind his hand.

 

“Do you think we were too young for the physical stuff when you think about it now? As yourself and as a parent?” Blaine asks me curiously.

 

I think about it for a minute and say “no. I think we were ready for the steps we made together emotionally and physically. We didn't have sex for a couple of months into our relationship. We were friends before and we knew we loved each other.” Blaine hums in confirmation.

“I know we were both barely 17 when we started to fool around and have sex. When I see ourselves I'd say we weren't rushing into it. I know our teenage hormones were a part of the quicker process but we were mature about it. When I speak as a parent I'm happy that the twins aren't ready for that yet and both have only had their first boyfriends for a couple of weeks. I'm sure they would talk to us or at least Britt, Santana or Rachel if they were doing anything more than making out with their dates. Britt and Santana talked to them about the pill and took them to the gynecologist appointments and we had the 'stay-safe-and-don't-throw-yourself-around-talk'. I guess we're prepared now. And the girls are too. And Tommy has had a steady boyfriend for 2 years. Patrick is awesome and they seem to be really happy. And before college he had Jon. His first love. Oh god they sneaked out all the time to have 'alone-time'. I think there are entries in my last diary about our son who thought we were clueless. Well let's get there when we get there. Let's just say, I'm positive that the twins won't get pregnant anytime soon and our son won't get anyone pregnant either. Their all smart and they know about health risks.” I try not to think too hard about what awaits us in the near future and smile at my husband.

 

“You're right, honey. I think we're doing a good job with our kids and I'm so happy that we have Britt, Santana and Rachel in addition for all the girl stuff. I mean I would have gone bra-shopping or to the gynecologist with the twins but I'm thankful that they wanted to go with Britt and San instead. What do you say? Do you want to go on?” Blaine gets comfortable against the armrest and pulls me between his spread legs to let me rest my head against his chest and wraps his arms around my middle.

 

I crane my neck to give him a peck on the lips and scroll through the diary for the next worthy entry.

 

_February 2011_

_Dear diary._

_Today is Valentine's day (well technically it's the morning after Valentine's day) and Blaine and I had the most romantic date. If you could see me now. Still wandering on cloud 9 and watching my boyfriend sleep next to me. YES!!!! NO! Not that! We didn't have full sex. Actually I'm drawing him right now. He's naked and lying on his stomach, sheets low on his hips... he looks stunning, relaxed and delicious... Okay maybe I should start with our actual date._

_Blaine picked me up at home and we drove to a restaurant in Columbus. I KNOW RIGHT? WOW! I was totally shocked what he had planned for us. The food was delicious and the table was covered in rose pedals and glittery hearts. So romantic... <3 _

_We shared the dessert and threw flirty looks at each other and after finishing our food we walked towards Blaine's car with our hands entwined. I thanked Blaine for the special dinner and we kissed for a while in the car. After a bit Blaine drove us home to my place and because Finn and Rachel were on a date too and even dad and Carole had a romantic getaway for a night, we went straight to my room when we arrived. We didn't need many words to agree to go a little further in our physical relationship today. I mean the kissing and making out and frottage was awesome and we tried it full clothed and with only boxers already but I was so desperate to really touch him... there. And after peeling each other out of our clothes until we were only in our boxers we settled down on my bed and dimmed the lights in my room. With light music in the background and thundering hearts we started to kiss slowly but passionately. Roaming hands over naked chests, arms and backs we grew more desperate and our kisses became deeper and sloppier. We both panted hard when I pulled back and I let my hand wander to Blaine's waistband of his boxer briefs and when Blaine gave me a nod I pulled them down until he could kick them off. Then he did the same to me and there we were. Lying on my bed. Totally naked. I nearly freaked out because we saw each other fully naked for the first time. Blaine's cock is beautiful. Oh god, did I really write that? Well it is. It's gorgeous like himself. And Blaine stared at mine too. I bet I blushed dark crimson under his gaze but he didn't give me the chance to get uncomfortable. He moaned in the back of his throat and asked me if he could touch me. Hello??? Of course I said yes. That was the plan all along. My dick got painfully hard at that moment and when Blaine touched it with just a fingertip I nearly came on the spot. Oh hell, that would have been distressing but when he took a firm grip of my cock and gave it a testing stroke I lost all shame or fear I may have had and grabbed for Blaine's cock too. We laid on our sides and brought each other to orgasm. I came so hard that I never had before. I'm still not sure if I blacked out for a couple of seconds. Wow. WOW. WOOOOOOW. We kissed for the longest time and cleaned up in the bathroom. I'm still surprised that it didn't feel weird or awkward afterward or when we got back into my bed to cuddle. It was wonderful. Absolutely fantastic. I want to do it again. Not right now, obviously. Blaine is sleeping. And Finn will be back in half an hour. I'm not sure if I should let Blaine sleep here or if I need to wake him to send him home. That feels kind of cruel but we didn't talk about his curfew. Ah fuck, I think I need to wake him up. Don't want him to get grounded or something. My drawing is done too. I think I'm talented in sketching. Looks rather good if I say so myself. Maybe I should think about a job in fashion instead of Broadway. Hm. Will think about it further. Tomorrow. Need to kiss my boyfriend awake. See ya, Kurt_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, that was Chapter 4 dear friends and followers. I hope you enjoyed it. I wasn't truly happy with this one after editing, but I hope the next one will be better. Chapter 5 is already written and will be uploaded in the next couple of days. If you have questions or critics, come find me. Thank you, Dana


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi friends. If you are still with me, thank you for reading this. Okay this chapter here entails... yes... smut. Again. But bare with me. Kurt and Blaine explore each other and it's a huge deal for Kurt at that time. Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters.

Chapter 5

 

I turn the page of my diary to show Blaine the drawing of him. He gasps at the sight and gives me an incredulous look. “Wow! Honey you were already so talented. It looks really awesome. Well not the motif per se but the details are really incredible. Uh and I might say I really look totally at ease and relaxed,” he grins and nuzzles his nose behind my ear.

 

“Well, you got an awesome handjob my darling. It's supposed to get you totally relaxed, right?” I snicker and he laughs softly.

 

“Yes, you're right. It was the first time, someone else touched me there and I nearly exploded on the spot. Didn't make it easier that your body was and still is so damn gorgeous. God, Kurt. After that time all our reservations broke loose and we couldn't stop exploring further when I recall. Wow, that was an intense time. Wanna go on?” Blaine waggles his eyebrows and I just turn the page with a smile on my face.

 

_February 2011_

_Dear diary._

_Holy shit. I can't stop touching Blaine. Like at all. I have this itching in my fingers that keeps me digging my hands under his shirt to touch his chest and his belly and his back all the time. It's like a drug. I don't DO drugs but Blaine is so responsive and I'm so hard all the time. Fuck... I'm distracted at school when I think of the afternoon when we meet at my home to make out. And get off together. But it's so much more than just getting off. It's love. I love Blaine. He's my everything. I will marry him one day. And we'll have kids together. And I'll be either on Broadway or in fashion. I KNOW. I'm getting way over my head already but that's what I want in life. These are my dreams. Let's see what exactly will happen in the future. Oh my... I'm kind of melancholic it seems. But it's nothing bad. I'm happy. I'm happy with Blaine, my parents approve of our relationship. Finn and Rachel have this weird on-off-relationship but Finn is great as a brother. I didn't think we would make it in the beginning. He was not always nice but now he protects me and Blaine and our relationship against others. It's awesome. It's great to have him in our corner. Mercedes and Britt love Blaine. Like really love him. They would try to steal him from me if he was only a bit interested in girls. Well who wouldn't? He's so loveable. And so damn polite. Sometimes it's too much though. No wonder that some girls think he's straight. I told him so many times that he shouldn't lead the poor girls on. But it's his charm. He can't help it. Did I mention that he's the perfect boyfriend? Because he really is. Plan for today: BLOWJOB! I really want to try that. Giving and receiving, of course. But I wanna try it first on Blaine. I nearly did it yesterday, but I backtracked shortly before I could put my mouth on him. I hope he didn't feel my hesitation. It wasn't him, I just got scared that I could hurt him in a way so I freaked out. But today is the day. If he wants to try that, of course. OH! What time is it? Fuck, he'll be here any minute. Wish me luck that I don't blow it. HAHA. Pun intended. See ya, Kurt_

 

Blaine nearly doubled over and I cringed.

 

“What is so funny, huh?” I ask sourly and slap his leg. “You enjoyed your first blowjob immensely, my darling, so don't you dare laugh at me. Even if it wasn't on that day that I had planned it.”

 

“No! You were just so damn funny, open and sweet. It's awesome. Really. And you were great. I really loved how you reduced me to a babbling mess.” Blaine looks at me lovingly and I try to be mad at him.

 

“Babe... come on. Don't be mad. I didn't laugh at you. I loved you back then, I love you now and I will always love you. Shall I sing that old Whitney Houston song for you?” He gives me the puppy dog eyes and I groan. He has perfected that look over all these years and I couldn't resist him even in the beginning.

 

“Fine! But promise me that you won't laugh about my diary entries. I was 16 for heaven's sake. I was a horny teenager who couldn't wait to explore your whole body and go all the way with the love of my life.” I grumble and Blaine kisses my neck softly.

 

“I promise! Now go on, please.” Blaine winks at me and I settle back into his chest.

 

_March 2011_

_Dear diary._

_I'm so happy that I have a boyfriend who loves me. DRAAAAAAAAAAAMA at school today. Holy shit. Noah slept with Rachel and Finn found out. He dumped her in Glee club and she started crying and wailing on the spot. Finn punched Noah in the face and Quinn tried to interfere and screamed at Finn. He ran out of the choir room and I couldn't find him when I followed to look for him. Britt and Santana made out in the back of the choir room, oblivious to all the yelling and Artie and Mercedes tried to calm the whole bunch down. Noah held his burning cheek and Mr. Shue tried to calm Rachel. Mike, Tina and Sam just watched with a worried glance at the whole scenario and I wished Blaine was there with me. Holy cow. Finn texted me about 10 minutes later that he went home. Well, I could understand that. After several attempts of getting something done in Glee club, Mr. Shue surrendered and sent us home. When I arrived home, I found Finn in the living room, playing some racing game on his X-box. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and after some moments of silence he agreed. I texted Blaine to wait for another hour until he came over so that I could have bro-time with Finn. He agreed and I sat next to Finn on the couch. I waited for him to say something and he started crying. I pulled him into a hug and he broke down. Babbled something like he loved Rachel and that he's angry that she betrayed him and that he doesn't want to give her up and that he and Noah couldn't be friends anymore. My heart ached for him. I petted his head and let him cry on my shoulder. What advice was I supposed to give him? I had no idea so I just said everything would be okay in the end and let him cry a bit more. After what felt like an hour he calmed and got us a water from the kitchen. He thanked me for being an awesome brother and told me that he would go up to his room and that I should say hello to Blaine. I asked him if he would be okay and he said yes. When Blaine arrived I told him what happened and he asked if he could visit Finn real quick. I said yes and he came back after 20 minutes and told me that Finn was better now. But he didn't really tell me what they talked about. Whoa! My boyfriend is incredible. He always knows how to calm others and charms everyone, straight or gay. Well, obviously the mood for getting intimate was ruined for the day but we cuddled on my bed and watched a movie. I felt so loved... Finn is better now. He wants to talk to Rachel tomorrow and maybe they can work it out. Hm. Not sure if it's the right decision, but it's his to make. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Do you want to know, what we talked about?” Blaine asks me and I think about it for a moment.

 

“No. It was something between you and Finn. You never asked me what the girls and I talked about, when someone was feeling bad. So no. But thank you for asking me.” I smile at him and turn some pages of my diary.

 

_March 2011_

_Dear diary._

_I got hit on in a music store today. The idea of other boys being interested in me was nice but the guy was damn creepy. He wanted my number, my address and asked me if I was willing to go on a date with him. WTF??? I told him that I have a boyfriend and he told me that he knows. Again...WTF??? I asked for his name and he said Sebastian. The name sounded familiar and he smirked at me and tried to grab my ass. When he asked me how Blaine was I remembered where I heard the name before. He was Blaine's classmate and constantly hitting on Blaine. So he tried to wind me up but I didn't give in to stoop that low. I told him that Blaine and I were great and that he could stop hitting on me and Blaine because he didn't stand any chance with either of us. He just laughed at me. ASSHOLE! I went for the exit and he yelled after me that he would get Blaine or me at some point. That nobody could resist him in the end. I yelled back that he would have a chance in his dreams... maybe. Ugh. Bastard. I called Blaine afterward and told him what happened. He was so angry and told me he would deal with Sebastian at school the next day. I trust Blaine. I don't think that he would cheat on me with that meerkat. Or anybody else for that matter! Rachel and Finn are back to normal. Well, Rachel calls it normal. I think Finn just pretends to be okay. I have no clue and he won't really talk to me about his feelings. I don't know why, but Finn and Blaine bonded over the whole Rachel drama in the last week. I'm happy for them both, but I feel like I could lose my 'favorite bro' card. Finn assured me that it is nothing to worry about. He likes Blaine like a second brother and they can talk football and x-box and all that crap. Okay then. I'll surrender and leave them to their bromance. I'm willing to share. Both of them. But just with each other. Gives me some time with Mercedes and Britt. Santana is attached to Britt's hip these days. It's okay though. I'm beginning to like her. She's really good to Britt and we have the same snark._

_Topic-change:_

_In 2 weeks I have the house to myself for 36 hours. Dad and Carole are visiting Carole's sister and Finn is going with them. YESSSSS! Kurt home-alone... nearly a whole weekend... with Blaine... I have so many plans. We'll be alone. We could have sex. We could cuddle naked on the couch. Ew! No! Who knows what Finn and Rachel have done on that couch. Ugh. Gross. I plan a romantic dinner with candles and slow music and dancing and cuddling and making out and maybe, if all is right, we'll take the last step. I'm ready and I know that Blaine is too. We talked about it so many times and I want to bottom my first time. Blaine's okay with it. I'm a bit nervous. But I really want it. Oh and I recently discovered that we both love to 69. Holy shit that's so hot. First time was a bit awkward with a lot of laughing and choking. But well, we'll get there with a lot more practice. HarHar. Oh, Blaine will be here in a few. Have to go. See ya soon, Kurt_

 

“Oh my god, Blaine, let me explain first before you say something, okay? I never had any doubt of your faithfulness! Never had I thought you would cheat on me with anybody. Sebastian made me cringe and I'm happy that he backed-off at some point.”

 

Blaine nods and hums in acknowledgment and ushers me to go on.

 

“And I never was jealous of your relationship with Finn! I swear. You know me. I was just a bit bitchy sometimes when I had to share you but never really jealous. And as for the sex plans? I guess it worked out pretty good, my planning. But that must be the next entry. Wanna go on?” I ask cautiously and try to gauge Blaine's reaction to the last one.

 

“Of course. Let me see your point of view of that incredible weekend.” Blaine grins mischievously and I turn the page.

 

_April 2011_

_Dear diary._

_OMG_

_OMG_

_OMG_

_OMG_

_I LOST MY V-CARD!!!!_

_I still can't believe that it really happened. As predicted, we had the house to ourselves and dad knew what I had planned. He knows me too well. When they said their goodbyes he reminded me to be safe and to not rush into anything. And to have fun. HA! Yeah dad, thanks. When Blaine arrived, I was in the kitchen and nearly done with dinner. The dining room was prepared with candles and music and the good tableware. My clothes were impeccable and the sparkling cider was already on the table. Blaine came into the kitchen and handed me a bouquet of beautiful flowers. I thanked him with a kiss and shooed him into the dining room. When we sat across from each other and stared into each others eyes I think I stopped breathing for a moment. Blaine looked breathtaking and his amber eyes were shining with something new. Something like anticipation. Well, I bet I had the same look on my face. Dinner was great and we fed each other cheesecake. After putting the dishes in the kitchen and blowing out the candles, we settled into my room. I started a nice playlist on my iPod and after some soft and slow kisses we grew more desperate. A while later we lay naked on my bed and we were blowing each other because Blaine had told me that we would last longer for the actual sex when we already had an orgasm shortly before. Well who was I to complain? Right... Blaine prepped me with so much care and so much love that it didn't really hurt. I'm really happy that we already fingered each other before so that the feeling wasn't really new. When I told him that I was ready he put on a condom and got ready. We agreed that we wanted to look into each others eyes for the first time, so I laid on my back when Blaine entered me. Holy hell his dick was big... Oh, that's sounds awful. Well, it was. But Blaine was so patient with me and pushed only slowly and cautiously into me. When he was in all the way he waited for me to get used to the intrusion. Maybe a minute or two later I told him to move, slowly. That's when I wrapped my legs around his waist and Blaine started a slow rhythm of pushing and pulling himself in and out of me. It was incredible. Really. I'm not sure if Blaine has a prostate GPS but he found it immediately and I literally saw stars. I have no idea how long we both lasted but at some point I couldn't hold back any longer and told Blaine that I was close. Blaine pulled my left leg over his shoulder and I felt him getting even deeper. After a few thrust I came with a scream and some seconds later Blaine came too. Gosh... That was the most intense orgasm I ever had. I'm curious to explore sex further._

_We cleaned up real fast and snuggled in my bed. Sleep came fast and when I opened my eyes the next time it was already morning. Blaine watched me with sleep-tussled hair and his eyes were a deep gold that morning. He kissed me slowly and after some sweet caresses we got up to get ourselves some breakfast. After cleaning the kitchen and the dining room from the night before, we cuddled on the couch and watched some movies. I wanted to do it again, but Blaine insisted that I needed a break after because of being sore. Well, we found a way to keep going. That's how I made love to Blaine that night with equal love, trust, sweetness and passion. Topping was great too. I can't really decide right now if I have a preference. We'll figure that out eventually. Sunday morning came bright and sunny and after another great breakfast dad, Carole and Finn entered the house with flashing grins on their faces when they spotted us and our various hickeys. Blaine froze and I blushed so hard that dad had to chuckle. He told us that we looked well loved and I was in charge to do the laundry. OMFG. Why is he always so embarrassing when Blaine is present? I just covered my face with my hands and Blaine put a hand on my knee and whispered in my ear that he would help me with the laundry. I just smirked and we went to my room. Dad, Carole and Finn laughed when we ran upstairs and I promise I'll get back at them, one way or another. After Blaine was gone for the evening after dinner with us, I had to call my girls Mercedes and Britt. They squealed into the phone and demanded a group-chat. Oh man what did I get myself into? Mercedes, Britt, Santana, Tina and RACHEL bombarded me with questions. One more inappropriate than the other. Why did I agree to do that? No clue. I got through it without talking about the size of Blaine's dick... These girls are really awfully nosy... Have to go to bed now. I'm so exhausted and so so happy. Why's that? Hmmmmmmmmmm a lot of sex I'd say. Haha. See ya, Kurt_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you liked it. Next update, next week. See ya, Dana


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello again. Here comes chapter 6 my dear followers. Enjoy the chapter and please don't be mad. It's getting angsty...
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters. Sadly...

Chapter 6

 

“I have to say that that weekend was one of my favorite weekends that we spent in Ohio. It was really the perfect setup for losing our v-cards. Thanks again for making it so special, honey.” Blaine says and beams at me and I just chuckle.

 

“Thank you too, darling. It was a really special weekend. And that reminds me that we took advantage of any given time that we were alone at my home. Oh god, we had so much sex in the following weeks and even months after that first time. Multiple times a day. I have no idea how we were able to sit at all.” I shake my head and Blaine just snorts.

“I think we can skip a lot of the next entries, because they entail only various positions and descriptions of our love-making. Did we even do something else apart from having sex until the beginning of senior year?” I wonder and skip a lot of pages until I'm at the end of my first diary.

“Oh, I guess not. Have to get no. 2. There's really just us having sex. Nothing else. Well, we were horny teenagers.” I mumble and pick the next diary from the table and open the first page.

 

_October 2011_

_Dear diary._

_I'm crying. I'm angry. I'm disappointed. So many emotions are running through my mind right now. I don't know where to start. We just started senior year and Blaine and I talked about college applications. We agreed to apply to only colleges in New York this summer because of course we think about our future together. At least I thought so... Well, maybe I was wrong. Blaine wants to apply to UCLA, San Francisco Conservatory of Music, Colburn Conservatory of Music LA and Musicians Institute LA apart from Juilliard, NYU and Manhattan School of Music. WTF??? I bet this was his father's doing to get him to think about it or he will cut his grant. Los Angeles, California? Only because Cooper lives there? I don't get it. I have no clue what will happen. We argued and yelled and maybe I said some things I'm not proud of. He didn't call or text today at all. Well, I'm not going to call him, that's for sure. I will NOT apply to FIDM or OTIS in LA. I want to go to Parsons in NY. LA is definitely not going to happen for me. If he doesn't understand that, then it's his problem and not mine. I'm still fuming. Fuck... What if he will get into the California colleges? Will he leave me? Will we try long-distance? Fuck fuck fuck I'm panicking right now. Shit. I'm scared. I know there is still sooooo much time until next summer and so much can happen by then, but I can't stand to lose him. I can't. I won't. I will not give up on us. NO WAY! I will call him now. Or maybe not? What shall I do? I have to call Mercedes and Britt first. Wish me luck. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Please can we not talk about it now?” I ask Blaine with a hint of pain in my voice and he just nods. We both know that this was only the beginning of the hard times we had ahead of us and we both were in denial and avoided that topic after we made up the next day. We didn't speak about our applications for a long time.

 

I skipped a few pages until I found the next entry I wanted to share.

 

_November 2011_

_Dear diary._

_Halloween was fun. We were at Rachel's and had a party in her basement. Good that I was in charge of most of the costumes. If Rachel had to chose a costume herself she would have picked Britney Spears' school girl outfit. Holy fuck. Well, now she and Finn were going as Chip and Dale. Hilarious!!!! I nearly broke down with laughter. Quinn and Noah were Cinderella and Prince Charming. HAHAHAHAHAHA. NOAH!!! He even wore a wig... Artie and Sugar were John Travolta and Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction. Great choice!!! Mike and Tina were Superman and Supergirl. LOL. But they looked great!!! Sam and Mercedes were Shrek and Fiona. OMG. All this green paint in the face... Ugh. My face would scream. Britt and Santana were Baywatch lifeguards. Duh... That was Santana's idea of course. And Blaine and I were Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. I was Fred of course... Oh we had so much fun. Finn was sweating in his Chip costume and constantly complaining that he looked like an idiot. Rachel was scolding him non-stop. After everybody got drunk apart from Finn and I – we were the designated drivers – the embarrassing games started. Never have I ever was kinda interesting. Until it came to Blaine and I of course. I really hope that our friends were drunk enough to forget what we had to share about our sex-life. Otherwise I will never live this down. Especially with Santana and Noah. I have to deal with Finn of course, but I still have enough blackmail material about him and Rachel to get out of this. Truth or Dare was kind of the same. We had to make out in front of everyone and when we were really going for it Finn screeched that we should stop now before we would have sex in front of them an no one wanted to see that. Well, Mercedes, Britt, Rachel and Tina wanted that apparently. Of course we stopped then. I don't really have an exhibition-kink. After Finn got everybody home, Blaine and I drove back to my place and we continued what we had to stop at the party. Blaine was fucking me hard and fast and the headboard of my bed must have clanged against the wall (what we didn't recognize in the haze of passion) because at one point dad stormed into my room and told us to let the rest of the house sleep and maybe move this to the floor where they wouldn't be kept awake by the banging on the wall. He left the room and left us alone again. OMFG. After the initial shock we chuckled and just changed the position to finish a lot quieter than before. When I woke up Blaine was already downstairs with dad and they were talking quietly. I didn't hear what they were talking about because they stopped when they heard me coming down the stairs. Well, that was weird. Have to ask dad or Blaine what that was about. I'll meet Mercedes and Tina in a few. Have to go. See ya, Kurt_

 

“We looked fabulous that Halloween!” Blaine grins.

 

“Wait, I have a group picture. Hieram took it. Look.” I take the picture out of the diary and show it to Blaine.

 

“Oh yeah, I remember. Puck looked ridiculous with that wig on his head.” Blaine laughs out loud and I snicker too. “And the prize for the funniest costume definitely went to Rachel and Finn. Look at the sour look on Finn's face. It's hilarious how they bickered the whole evening because of that. And look at Britt and San. There wasn't really much fabric on their bodies to cover a lot of the parts I really didn't want to see like ever. The party itself was so much fun, that's true. When your dad stood in the doorway of your room that night I really tried not to laugh that he caught us AGAIN having sex.” Blaine rubs his neck and smirks at me.

 

“Yeah, I think we got used to him intruding at some point and I lost all shame from then on in front of him. Do you want to talk about that last part? I never really got an answer what you and dad talked about that morning.” I watch him curiously and Blaine sighs.

 

“Well, it had something to do with our applications and I wanted to get his opinion. Do you really want to talk about it now? You know that it was such a hard time for both of us.” Blaine tries to soothe me to change the subject but I won't let him.

 

“Honey, I know that. But it's not that it's only the happy times I wrote about in my diaries. There were many entries where I suffered or was mad or heartbroken. So are you willing to go through all of them or shall I skip over to the happy times? It doesn't work that way, Blaine. And remember that we got past all this at some point. Otherwise we wouldn't be here right now.” I put my left hand on Blaine's so that our wedding bands clink together.

 

I know that Blaine doesn't like confrontation and bad memories but that's life. And he wanted to go through my diaries. So he has to deal with everything it entailed. I'm not being cruel but maybe it's good for us to see each others point of views of some experiences we made.

 

Blaine sighs again in defeat and rubs his temples. “I know. Well, I told him about my plans to apply to colleges in California and New York and he asked me what my motives were. I told him that I was pressured by my dad but that the colleges in California were really great too. He asked me what you said to all that and I told him that we had a fight about all this college stuff. He asked if you were applying to colleges in California too and I said that not that I knew of and he just hummed at that. He asked what I thought would happen when we were going to colleges so far apart from each other and I truthfully told him that I didn't know. He said to me that apart from loving me like a third son and that he was sure that you and I would marry one day, I should do what was best for me and to pursue my dreams. He didn't want for us to fight in the end because one followed the other and put his own dreams on hold.”

 

I'm silent for a while and think about all Blaine had told me.

 

“Wow. So dad was a factor in all this too? I had no idea.” I start but Blaine interrupts me.

 

“Please don't judge your dad in all this, darling. There was so much more what led to where it went. And when you think about it today as a parent what your dad said to me back then, it kind of makes sense, right? What will you tell Keira or Lizzy when they will ask the same questions in a few months when they start to send their own college applications and are still together with their current boyfriends?” Blaine strokes over my back and again I have to think for a minute what my answer will be.

 

“You are partially right. I want the best for them and I want them to follow their dreams but if they will tell us that they can't be apart from their boyfriends and want to move to Vancouver or wherever, I think I would let them go.” I say with a small voice and peak at my husband through my eyelashes.

 

“You will not! I know you way better, baby. You would fight with them and argue with them and even pull the 'because-I-said-so-card'.” Blaine cries out.

 

I lower my head in defeat and groan. “Shit. You know me better than anyone else. Of course you're right. I will fight tooth and nail to knock some sense into their heads. Well, let's face the music when it starts playing. Want to go on?”

 

Blaine just nods and I take a look at the next pages until I find the next to share.

 

_December 2011_

_Dear diary._

_I sent out my applications to Parsons, Juilliard and NYU. Blaine refuses to tell me where he did apply and I was pissed at him. Again. It's a current feeling at the moment. One day everything is perfect and two days later we fight again. Over little things. And this isn't little. It's our future. Why won't he talk to me? What did I do to deserve this behavior? Do I pressure him into something he doesn't want? He could tell me if he didn't want to come to New York with me if that's the case. I don't know what I will do, but I deserve to know at least. Right? Am I selfish? I don't want to lose him. That's nothing I should feel ashamed of..._

_Rachel applied to Juilliard, NYADA and Tisch. Britt and Santana applied to Tisch, Pace, Pratt and NYU. So the girls will definitely come to New York with me. Mercedes applied to various colleges around the country and Tina and Mike too. Finn applied to Ohio State and NYU. Noah wants to go to military school and Quinn will for sure go to Yale, Harvard or Stanford. Artie, Sam and Sugar are still unsure what to do with their lives. So for now it means to wait for letters. And I hope that Blaine will talk to me at some point. I hate that he doesn't. And I really can't figure out what's going on in his head. Will do some homework now to clear my head. See ya, Kurt_

 

“We don't need to speak about this entry because we did that already around that time. There isn't anything in it, we didn't talk about. So want to see the next one?” I look at Blaine and he nods and I again turn some pages.

 

_February 2012_

_Dear diary._

_Valentine's day was tense. Blaine and I went out for a romantic getaway with an overnight stay at a nice hotel in Columbus. Mostly it was nice. The food was great and we talked about everything what came to our minds apart from the elephant in the room. We both got some letters back from the colleges where we applied. I didn't have the guts to open them yet. I wanted to wait for Blaine to come to me. He didn't. I think he is retreating from me. Maybe not on purpose, but this whole college thing is tearing us apart. I love him so much and I know he loves me too. Why do we both have to suffer because of this? I really want to work this out. I know that I'm a bit difficult right now and even bitchier that ever, but what do I have to do to get Blaine to speak to me? I discovered that we have a lot of angry sex at the moment. I mean sure we love each other and we make love to each other, but you can feel the tension and the frustration even in our sex-life. Not that I don't like it a bit rough sometimes, but I can't stand this uncertainty. I'm hurt and angry so often that it scares me. I will get him to speak to me. We will open our letters and we will talk about what we decide to do. Dad is no help. He refuses to tell me what he and Blaine talked about because he said it wasn't his story to tell and he stays diplomatic when I ask him what I should do regarding Blaine and our future. I hate having to be an adult. I hate making decisions without the help of my boyfriend. I hate it that I'm scared that I will lose him. I hate it that I have the feeling that I will have to go to New York without the love of my life... Fuck, I'm crying again. I hate it that I cry every other day... Will go and get myself a carton of ice cream. I need one right now. See ya, Kurt_

 

“I know I said it a lot of times until today, but I'm so sorry that I made you feel this way, baby. I hate it that I made you cry so much and that I refused to talk to you and that I retreated from you and that I panicked and that I let my dad rule my life and that you had to suffer so much and that I was the worst boyfriend the world has ever seen at that time. I can't say it often enough. I'm so so sorry, baby.” Blaine has tears running down his cheeks and I swallow hard.

 

“I know, honey. I forgave you a long time ago and I understand your actions to some point. Maybe I would have done the same if I would have been in your shoes. I don't know, but we'll never have to find out. Shall we go on? Or do you want to postpone the upcoming sad entries until tomorrow?” I ask and turn some pages without looking at him.

 

“No. I think we should do this now until there come better times. Then we can go to bed for today. I don't want to end this evening on a sad note. Regardless of how it is now. I remember those many many months vividly but let's get done with them.” Blaine still wipes some tears from his and from my eyes with his fingertip and I kiss him softly.

 

“Okay, let's move on then.” I say and open the diary where I put the bookmark in.

 

_March 2012_

_Dear diary._

_It's official. I got accepted into Parsons and NYU. I will go to Parsons though. It was always my first choice. Rachel got into NYADA, Finn into NYU, Santana into Pace for Law, Britt into Tisch, Mercedes, Artie and Sugar into UCLA, Mike and Tina into OSU, Noah into military school, Quinn into Yale and Sam will go to community college in Columbus._

_Blaine... yeah Blaine. He got accepted into UCLA, San Francisco Conservatory of Music, Musicians Institute LA and NYU. A tiny part of me thought he would go for NYU. I was wrong. So wrong..._

_Blaine will go to the San Fran Conservatory of Music. He will leave me. He won't come to New York with me. He will break up with me. I will never see him again. I'M DYING. I can't stand that. I refuse to accept that. He said that he wants to try long-distance if I would want that. He wants us to stay together. He promised me that he won't give up on us. When he told me yesterday I broke down in front of him. I screamed and yelled and cried and I pounded his chest with my fists and he just held me tight and we cried until there were no more tears. Totally exhausted we fell asleep in my bed and when I woke up we still clasped to one another. I'm kind of numb right now and I don't know what will happen until we graduate. I know that I will move in with Rachel, San and Britt into an apartment that's owned by Rachel's dads. The rent is low and it's enough space for all of us. Well, at least that's something that is for sure right now. Finn volunteered to punch some sense into Blaine but I refused. We will try long-distance. We will make it work. I know it. Will go to the garage and help dad now. See you, Kurt_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry. This is just the beginning of the angsty chapters. But there will be better times at some point. Promise! Thanks for reading. See you next week :-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we are again. Welcome to chapter 7. Angsty one. I'm sorry. Thanks again to my lovely beta Natalie. Love you girl! <3
> 
> Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or their characters.

Chapter 7

 

“We won't talk about this. We both know what we felt and that it was a hard decision. We already talked this through, so let's go on, okay?” I ask Blaine and he nods. I skip a few pages and we start reading the entry.

 

_June 2012_

_Dear diary._

_Rachel hosted a farewell-party yesterday. She made sure that we would all be there together one last time before we will all be torn apart and living all over the country. The idea itself was great and for the most part the evening was nice. The atmosphere was tense though. Most of the couples would still live in the same city. Sam and Mercedes would be the only other couple that would go for long-distance apart from Blaine and I. After a while Blaine told me that he had talked with dad and he got us a hotel room for the night, if I wanted. We said our goodbyes after another hour to have some alone-time. It felt so much like a goodbye. We made love the whole night and it was beautiful. We shed some tears and the feeling was so intense the whole time. I think I have never felt more connected to Blaine than I did last night. Bittersweet. When I woke up, Blaine was still sleeping on his back, slightly snoring and I watched him with my chin resting on his chest. He is so beautiful. How did I get so lucky to call this incredible creature mine? I have no idea. I softly stroked over his torso and his eyelashes fluttered. With a smack of his lips he opened his eyes and looked deep into mine. He smiled softly and I kissed him with so much passion while tears ran over my face again. It's getting harder every day and although I know that we will stay together for now, I have this queasy feeling in my gut that scares me. What if he meets someone new in college? I don't want to think about all this right now. We still have a week together before he moves to San Francisco and the girls and I to New York. I will take advantage of every minute we still have left. Some of our friends have already gone today. It's hard to leave everything behind and start a new chapter of your life. YES. I know I'm melancholic. I'm hurting and I'm scared shitless. I have no clue what awaits us in New York or in our relationship. So many thoughts run through my head right now. Of course I'm so looking forward to New York and to college. But I'm sad to leave dad and Carole behind. I have no idea how often I can come home for the holidays. I'll have to find work to be able to fly out home. And what if the studying is so difficult and I have to try extra hard to get along well? Will I be able to see Blaine? Will he come home for the holidays so that we can meet? I have no idea if he will be able to visit me in New York. The flights will be fucking expensive. I don't think his dad will pay for the flight to see his boyfriend. We still don't get along too well, Blaine's dad and I. I mean I know it's nothing I did, it's just that I'm a guy and not a girl. But it hurts. I'm glad that Blaine gets along with my dad though. I have no idea if we would have lasted if dad wouldn't have been so supportive. At least it would have been a lot more difficult for us. Well. I will meet up with Mercedes for a few hours before she leaves for LA tomorrow in the morning. Afterward Blaine will come over for dinner and a sleepover. As I said, I will cherish every minute we still have. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Do you want to talk about it, honey?” Blaine asks me and I really don't have the strength to go through all these emotions right now, so I refuse with a shake of my head.

 

It's not that we never talked about this time but we both know that we can't change this chapter of our lives. And only reading these entries hurts like crazy. We both made mistakes throughout the years and we both learned to accept them at some point. I turn the page and we go on reading.

 

_July 2012_

_Dear diary._

_I'm sitting on the plane to New York. All of our stuff was already brought over by some moving company which was hired by Rachel's dads. It's more convenient to travel by plane than by moving truck. Blaine has been in San Francisco since last Saturday. We have talked over the phone every day since then. It's hard. It's only been a few days and I miss him like crazy already. I never thought that I would be such a whiny person. I'm strong and independent. But I can't stand to be apart from the person I love most. Santana and Rachel bicker the whole time in front of me. I have no idea how I agreed to live with them. I'll give them 2 weeks until they tear each others eyes out. Classes start in 3 weeks. So we still have a lot of time to situate ourselves into our new apartment and do some sightseeing. I'm looking forward to finally see Broadway again. The pictures Rachel showed us from the apartment are gorgeous. It's a 3-bedroom loft with partitions and an open living area. Britt and San will share a room. Rachel and I have our own. Finn will stay at the dorms at NYU. But I think we will see plenty of him. Can't wait to start decorating. I'm in charge for the open space and my bedroom. YAY! I will send Blaine some pictures when I'm done. Or I'll show him over Skype. He's staying in the dorms of his college. His roommate is nice, Blaine told me. He's straight and has a girlfriend back in Minnesota. She's a year younger than Steve. So, same problem as Blaine and I have. We'll land in a few minutes, so I'll stop for today. Will write about our apartment and the first days of New York air in a few days. Have plenty to do the next couple days. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Oh I remember. The first days in New York were mesmerizing. I was totally overwhelmed by the beauty of the city. I saw the whole city from a different perspective than my childhood self. I fell in love with the city over and over again.” I have a dreamy look on my face and Blaine smiles at me lovingly. “Shall we go on?”

 

“Yes, please,” Blaine says and I turn the page.

 

_August 2012_

_Dear diary._

_WOW. I love New York. Our apartment is stocked, decorated and the fridge is full of nice things. We have a lovely coffee shop right around the corner and the supermarket is well stocked. Even Rachel finds all kind of vegan food there. My room is beautiful. I have a big window and an okay view. The walls here are thin. I hear every fucking moan of Britt and San. I had to buy earplugs on my third day to be able to get some sleep. And when you get up in the morning after maybe 3 hours of sleep you have a boisterous Rachel practicing her vocal chords or doing Yoga in front of the TV with horrible music. Holy fuck... My roommates need some getting used to. Blaine and I talk quite often on the phone and we skyped yesterday. I showed him the apartment and he loves it. We'll see each other Thanksgiving at home. I can't wait. He's doing okay so far, he said. He looked miserable yesterday. I did too, I suppose. We miss each other so much, it hurts. But we'll get through it. I know it's still a long time until Thanksgiving but we have Skype and phone calls and texting. And we will both be busy when classes start. Oh my fucking shit, San and Britt need to be reminded that they are NOT alone in this apartment. Have to go. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Were they really that bad?” Blaine asks me curiously and I nod. He shakes his head and I look for the next entry.

 

_September 2012_

_Dear diary._

_Classes started. It's so interesting. I love my professors and my classmates are okay so far. Mostly girls but that's okay. I always got along better with girls anyway. Finn came over last weekend and he told us about his dorm. Ugh. I'm so thankful that I don't have to sleep in the dorm. Finn's roommate is messy like himself. I don't want to know what their room looks like. DISGUSTING!!! Rachel refuses to visit Finn in his room. Well THAT I understand completely. I wouldn't either. Who knows what kind of diseases you will get there. Mercedes called yesterday. She loves UCLA. She was paired up with Sugar as a roommate and Artie is in the same dorm. They enjoy their time together but they won't come home for Thanksgiving. But for Christmas for sure. YAY. I'm excited to see them again. But mostly for Blaine, of course. Can't wait to hug him and kiss him and touch him and breath him in and just be with him in general. I thought it would get easier after classes started but I miss him even more. I want to show him so much and just tell him what's happening every day, but there is the time difference and our classes have different schedules. Well shit. I can't wait for Thanksgiving. Santana is already totally stressed by the tight schedule she has in her law school. Apparently it's more difficult than she thought. And Britt is more than happy to pamper her every night. She takes her own classes so easily. Bless her. Well, she has always been a ray of sunshine. Rachel is even louder than ever. Practicing dancing and singing the whole time she's at home. I need a break, or I'll break her neck. We have to think about getting her bedroom soundproofed. Holy shit. I look like hell with bags under my eyes and my hair! Don't let me whine over my hair. Rachel brought over a friend from her classes. His name is Elliot and he has a great voice. And he's so gay... I caught him several times eying me and checking me out. I mean he's kinda cute but no. Have to get ready for dinner. San is cooking tonight. Maybe she'll try again to trick Rachel to eat real meat. We'll see. See ya, Kurt_

 

Blaine eyes me and just lifts an eyebrow. “So, Elliot? Is there something I should know about?”

 

I know that he's just teasing me, because he already knows that there has never been anything going on with Elliot but I will play his game.

 

“Oh? Didn't I tell you that he tried to kiss me several times and I'm not sure if I was always capable of saying no?” I watch him with a challenging look and for just a second he looks insecure.

 

“I was joking, Blaine. You know that I never once kissed Elliot or let him kiss me. You were not really thinking that, right?” I glare at him and he sighs.

 

“No! Not really. I was maybe unsure for a second but of course I know you didn't. Sorry.” Blaine rubs his face for a moment and sends me a breathtaking smile.

 

“I know, honey. Don't worry. I was teasing you. Shall we go on?” I ask and already look for the next interesting part.

 

_November 2012_

_Dear diary._

_I'm on my way home to Lima. Fucking finally!! I can't wait to see Blaine. And dad and Carole of course. But BLAINE. My beautiful boyfriend. My Blaine. I couldn't sleep the last couple days. I was so nervous. Rachel, San and Britt will stay in New York over Thanksgiving. Rachel's dads are visiting them though. Blaine will get me from the airport. He's already in Ohio as he told me this morning on the phone. He was a bit reserved, but maybe he was just tired. I CAN'T WAIT TO FINALLY KISS HIM AGAIN!!! Holy fuck, I'm shaking already._

_Classes are going just fine and I can keep up with my classmates. The girls and I found a really good way to split our chores and living with them is getting easier. I'm finally at ease with all of this sharing space and all that. Finn is snoring next to me. As always. I have no clue how he manages to stay awake in his classes but apparently he is not doing bad. I'm impressed with my brother. Huh. Who would have thought? Definitely not me. Haha. Okay, I'm too nervous to go on writing. Will have to calm my nerves with a movie or some music. I'll write again on my plane ride back to NY or something like that. See what Blaine has planned. See ya, Kurt_

 

Blaine gulps and puts his face in his hands. “That was... um,”

 

but I interrupt him. “Please stop right there and let's get to the next one, okay?”

 

Blaine nods and I turn the page with blinking eyes.

 

_November 2012_

_Dear diary._

_I really don't know what I feel right now. I'm numb, angry, mad, hurt, disappointed, devastated, empty, furious and incredibly sad. And I have no idea how to put in words what exactly happened this weekend._

_Let me start from when Finn and I finally caught sight of Blaine in the airport. He held a red rose in his hand and waved us over as soon as he spotted us. I ran into his arms and nearly knocked him over with my enthusiasm. We kissed right there in the middle of the airport and Finn averted his eyes to give us a moment. I started crying the second our lips met. Blaine cried too and hugged me so tight that he nearly squished all air from my lungs. Finn took my trolley and Blaine and I left hand in hand towards the parking lot. Finn was so kind to offer to drive so that Blaine and I could sit in the back of Blaine's car. We just looked at each other with so much love and hunger. Every few seconds we kissed again and touched and smelled each other. I nuzzled Blaine's jaw and he stroked my cheek. My heart raced and I couldn't stop grinning. When we arrived at home, dad and Carole were already waiting at the front door. Carole squeaked and dad just grinned. After a long chat and a lovely dinner, Blaine and I excused ourselves to my room. The second my door closed we tore at each others clothes to get naked at soon as possible. We fell on my bed and just touched for a few minutes. Warm skin and goosebumps and muscles and reacquainting with the others body. Our movements slowed down and we kissed for what felt like hours. Blaine asked me what I wanted and I told him that I wanted to feel him everywhere so he pulled me on my side and spooned me from behind. He prepped me slowly with care and love until I nearly came just from that. When he pushed inside I finally felt whole again. Our love-making was slow, deliberate and so wonderful. My entire body and mind were in tune with Blaine's and I couldn't say how long we lasted until we both came with a cry and moaned each others names. Blaine held me tight to his body and showered my back and my neck with loving open-mouthed kisses. I was on cloud 9. The connection between us hummed and I was lost in the afterglow. Before we fell asleep Blaine cleaned us both up and pulled the duvet over our bodies. When I woke up in the early hours of the morning Blaine was not in bed with me and I rubbed my eyes to wake properly. When I turned on my bedside lamp I could see Blaine sitting on my small couch in the corner of my room. He looked crushed and sad and all I could do in that moment was to ask him what was wrong. When he turned his face towards me I saw the tears streaming down his face and I stumbled out of the bed to reach him and pull him into my arms. I asked again what was wrong and he watched me for a moment before he told me that he has thought about this weekend for a long time and that he didn't really know how to tell me that he had decided to set me free. First I thought that he was joking and slapped his bare shoulder. But when his expression didn't change I just said that I didn't understand what he was saying. He said that he loved me so much and that it wasn't fair to hold on to me and limit me in any way. He rambled something like 'I don't want to hold you back' and 'you deserve to have a boyfriend who can share all your daily experiences with you in the same place' and 'it's not fair to expect from you to never kiss anybody else when we can only see each other every few months'. At some point I stopped listening and just asked him if he cheated on me. He told me that he would never cheat on me. I saw his expression and I know him well enough to see if he lies to me. He didn't. I believed him and I know Blaine. He wouldn't cheat on me. I asked him if he met someone and again he said that he didn't and that he only ever loved me, still does and forever will. I was confused and asked him why he would break up with me then. He just said that it wasn't fair to me. I didn't get it. If he was capable of doing long-distance with visits as often as possible and knowing that time would change for the better at some point, why didn't he believe that I could do that too? That's when I got angry and asked him just that. If he thought that I would cheat on him at some point because I couldn't hold out the lack of sex or intimacy? If he thought that I was so sex-driven that I couldn't wait for a few moths before we had the chance to meet again? How dare he? I love him and I would wait for how long it would take to have him with me again. And what about phone-sex, skype-sex or fucking sexting? What did he think about me? That I was a fucking nympho? I panicked and stood abruptly from his lap to run into my bathroom. I slammed the door and screamed at him to get the fuck out of my room. When I returned a few minutes later and put on some clothes, Blaine's were gone and the room was empty. Slowly I left my room and heard him crying downstairs in the living room. Carole stood on the doorstep of their room and shot me a concerned look. I just shook my head to let her know I couldn't talk right now and she retreated back inside. I went back to my room and just lied on my bed, waiting for sleep to come. Of course it didn't. A few hours later, when I heard movements outside of my room and downstairs I got up and descended the stairs to enter the kitchen. Finn, dad and Carole were grabbing coffee mugs and preparing breakfast. When I asked if they had seen Blaine they shook their heads but Carole gave me a letter that must have been sitting on the kitchen counter. I took the letter and pointed to the ceiling to let them know that I would read that upstairs. They all watched me leave and I pressed the letter to my heart when I entered my room again. I sat down on my bed, unfolded the sheet of paper and began to read. After finishing I couldn't see properly through the stream of my tears. My heart ached and I started screaming and bawling. Finn ran into my room and just threw his arms around me without asking any questions. I couldn't talk anyway so I just let him hold me. He tried to soothe me with his whispered words and after an eternity my eyes ran dry. I wanted to be alone and Finn got the message and left me. I just laid on my bed and read the letter over and over and over. How could he do this to me? I guess I don't have to say that the rest of the weekend was just me wailing and my family trying to comfort me. Nobody asked any questions and I was thankful. I just told them that Blaine broke up with me and that none of us cheated or was interested in someone else. They just hugged me. I have no idea how I will cope with all that back in New York. Right now I just want to get back and bury myself in my sheets for the next weeks. We'll see if the girls will let me. Probably not. I'm exhausted and will try to sleep for a bit before reaching NY. Kurt_

 

Blaine and I both cry after reading this and I pick the letter Blaine wrote me out of my diary and unfold it for both of us to read.

 

_My love,_

 

_I'm incredibly sorry about what happened this morning. First thing: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! And this is exactly the reason why I have to set you free. I don't want to hold you back. I know that you probably would wait an eternity for me. I would too. But this is so unfair to you and I don't want that. Please know that I never ever cheated on you or was interested in any other guy. You are it for me and if it's meant to be, we will be together again at some point. I believe in that. Please live your life like you should and enjoy every aspect of college life. I know you love me and I know that I hurt you so bad with my actions but please be aware that I think it's for the better this way and I didn't do this to purposely hurt your feelings. I hope that at one point you can forgive me and what I did to you and maybe we will stay in contact, if you'd want that. I would hate it if we'd part in anger. I couldn't live with myself. If you are willing to call me or text me please do. I promised you once that I would pick up the phone or answer your text whenever you need me. That is still the case, of course. I'll give you the time you need to think about all this and if or when you are ready, please talk to me. I won't pressure you. I know that you get defensive when you are hurt. So I'll wait for you to get in contact with me, as soon as you are ready. I will be going back to San Francisco on Saturday._

_I'm sorry. I will love you forever._

 

_Always yours, Blaine_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry. It will get better eventually. Thanks for reading and for your interest in this story. I appreciate every review, favorite, etc. See you next week dears. Greets, Dana


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello friends and sorry for the late update. I was sick for a while and finally getting better. Here comes chapter 8. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters.

Chapter 8

 

“You kept that letter all this time?” Blaine asks me after wiping away the remaining tears on both our faces.

 

“Of course! It was kind of the last thing I had from you. Apart from some of your clothes I wore the whole time in New York. And it was something like a reminder of what we had. I couldn't throw it away or burn it, as Santana had told me.” I throw Blaine a weak smile and ask him if he's ready to go on. Of course he is.

 

_January 2013_

_Dear diary._

_My head hurts so bad. I have a hangover like crazy and I woke in a stranger's bed. How could I do this? I can't remember a thing from last night, but I hope we used protection. And if we did it, I definitely topped. Fuck... I feel like I cheated on Blaine although I know that we're not together anymore. I haven't heard from him the last 2 months but I couldn't call him either. It still hurts too much to actually hear his voice. I think I would break down. Again. San and Rachel try to coax me into the dating life again but hey... I need time. I don't want anybody but Blaine. Truth? I'm kind of relieved that I don't remember a thing from last night. I'm sad that it happened, but I can't change that. I don't remember his name if I even asked him or what we talked about, if we actually did talk at all. No clue. I'll get past that. Elliot has a new boyfriend. He's happy right now. I hope it'll last a while though. He's such a slut. Well, not my problem. Just friends. He got the memo after all. After hitting on me constantly for weeks. Gah... I had a nice bath, a quick breakfast and 20 minutes ago Santana congratulated me for 'finally gettin' some'. So not funny. I wanted to yell at her but my head still hurt. So I just gave her the bitch glare and the finger. She just kissed my cheek and made horrible noise in the kitchen. Can't be up. Will get some much needed sleep now. See ya, Kurt_

 

I put the bookmark in the diary and look at Blaine. Waiting for his reaction. It doesn't take long.

 

“Oh. Um. Okay. I understand. You know that you didn't have to feel guilty over a hookup, right? We weren't together anymore and that was one of the reasons for me back then to break up with you. Not that I didn't trust you! I always trusted you. But to spare both of us the shame over a possible situation where anyone of us could have cheated. Not intentionally but in a spur of a moment thing. And I think you were still angry with me and what I did to you, right?” The pained look in Blaine's eyes is back and I pull him closer to run my fingers through his curls and kiss him lovingly.

 

“Honey, don't dwell on the past, please. I know that you still partially regret your decision of breaking up with me and partially think it was the right decision. It doesn't matter anymore. We got past all that.” I snuggle against him again and he pulls me closer when I take the bookmark out of the diary to check for the next entry for us to read.

 

_May 2013_

_Dear diary._

_It's been exactly 6 months of absolute silence. Yesterday evening when dad, Carole, Finn, San, Britt, Rachel, her dads, Elliot and Ben were here in the apartment to celebrate my birthday - I got a text from Blaine. It only said 'Happy birthday, Kurt. I miss you so much'. What does that even mean? I didn't have the courage to write back yet. Dad knows me too well and after nearly dropping my phone after I read the text, he watched me with a raised eyebrow and I just nodded. He knew that it was from Blaine. I'm still not sure what or if I will write back. What shall I say? 'I miss you too'? Or 'When will you take me back'? Or 'I still fucking love you like I did before you broke up with me'? I don't know. I really don't know what to say. And it will all probably sound needy and creepy. And it won't change a thing. He'll still be in San Francisco and I'll still be here. And he still won't think that long-distance will work for us. So I have to fucking move on with my life. The girls tried to set me up a few times over the last 2 months. I tried. I really tried. But after one date or two at most, I couldn't see them again. They are not Blaine. Yes, I kissed them, or let them kiss me, but I can't do this without being drunk. I just can't. I try. I'm willing, I guess. Well maybe not, but I had another hookup last weekend when Elliot got me incredibly drunk again at that club we visit every now and then. He and Ben were gone after a while and I was alone after I came back from the restroom. I sat at the bar and a got myself another cocktail when someone approached me. Everything else is kinda blurry. This time I fucked up though and brought him to our apartment. When I woke up I had to hide in Rachel's room for an hour before Britt told me that he was gone. Again I must have topped. Strange, really. I always had the slightest preference to bottom with Blaine. Maybe it's just my subconscious telling me to not make myself too vulnerable. I don't know. I think I won't write back. At least for now. I have to think about it. Will get myself some icecream and watch bad reality TV with Britt. See you, Kurt_

 

“You know, I told you that I tried dating too, right?” Blaine asks me and I nod.

 

“Well, it didn't work out. It was similar to what you experienced. I had some dates, some hookups but no boyfriend. Nothing that was hinting to be or become something serious or something at all. They weren't you. Not even close. No feelings, no attachments. I couldn't move on either.” Blaine pulls his legs up to his chest and lies his head on his knees while he watches me.

 

“Well, I'm happy that we figured it out eventually.” I smirk at him and he pokes me in the ribs to usher me to go on. It's getting late and I start to yawn when I turn some pages.

 

_July 2013_

_Dear diary._

_I'm not going home this summer. I have too many liabilities and an incredible internship at Michael Kors. YES! The people there are amazing._

_I let myself be persuaded to date one of my colleagues. His name is Danny and he's 25. I know. He's quite a bit older than me. He's cute but after our third date and heavy making out in his apartment my brain kicked in and I stopped him from pulling down my pants. Not gonna happen. I told him that I couldn't see him anymore, got up from the couch and walked over to the door. That's when he got angry. He shoved me against the door and held my hands over my head. When he kissed me again aggressively and tried to bite me in the jaw I kneed him in his groin. He howled and fell to the ground. I screamed at him to never ever touch me again or I'd call the cops and send my bear of a brother after him. I hope he got the message. I was scared shitless. I have no idea what he would have done with me if I didn't have the right mind to defend myself. Holy fuck. I'm so done with dating. No more dates. No more creeps. I can better be alone than do this shit again. I don't need a man. I have my various toys to get the edge off. TMI. Sorry. But I'm happy that you won't judge me. I'm nearly late for dinner with Elliot and Ben. They are still together. Who would have thought that Elliot might find someone to get serious. Ha! See ya, Kurt_

 

“You never told me about this Danny. Did he leave you alone after this horrible evening, honey?” Blaine is concerned and I see a bit of sweat forming on his forehead.

 

“He never spoke to me again and I forgot about that after a while. Nothing really happened. Don't worry, darling.” I calm him down with a kiss and some rubbing over his thighs so that we can go on and after I show him a picture of Elliot and Ben who look into each others eyes like lovesick teenagers I check the next pages.

 

October 2013

_Dear diary._

_Classes are great. Internship is great. My girls and Finn are great. Elliot and Ben are great. Dad and Carole are great, Mercedes is great, Blaine is probably great._

_I'm miserable. I'm depressed._

_Blaine wrote me an email that he would be in New York over Christmas. It has been 5 months again since he tried to contact me the last time. He asked me if I would want to meet him for coffee or something. He didn't tell me if he would come alone or with his parents or Cooper or a boyfriend or friends. I have no idea. What shall I do? Do I want to see him? Obviously! But can I take it if he's going to introduce his boyfriend to me? NO! I wrote him back that I was not sure if I would be in New York over Christmas or if I would be in Lima. I told him that I would come back to him with details as soon as I got any. Did I ask him if he's seeing someone? Of course not! That would be creepy. He didn't ask me if I was seeing someone either. I need to talk to my dad ASAP. Normally I would go home for Christmas but dad hinted that he would love to do Christmas here instead. Will I meet Blaine? What will happen if I meet Blaine? How would we react? Shaking hands? Hug briefly? I want to jump him! And kiss him and tell him how much I missed him. Can I do that? Hell no! Fuck. Maybe I should ask in my next email if he needs anything... like a bed. I would share mine. Holy shit, I'm losing it again. Get your shit together, Kurt! I need to call dad, like now. Will bribe him to come over and ask for his opinion. See ya, Kurt._

 

“Really, honey?” Blaine giggles and I shoot him my 'don't-mess-with-me'-look.

 

“You have no idea how I dreaded and wanted this meeting. I was scared and had no idea what would happen,” I say to my defense.

 

“I know, baby. It was the same for me. I had no idea if you had someone new or still hated me or whatever,” Blaine chuckles. “Anyway, what did your dad say when you told him about it?”

 

“His first reaction was silence on the phone. For a couple moments I just heard him breathe. I nearly thought he had hung up on me. Well, after that he told me that he would love to see you on Christmas if I decided to meet up with you. And then he asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I was terrified. He understood that and said that I should not think too much into the meeting to not get disappointed if you would show up with a boyfriend.” I recalled the phone call and smiled.

 

“Well, I didn't. Shall we move on?” Blaine asks me and I take a look at my watch.

 

“Okay, a few more and then we'll go to bed.” I yawn again and snuggle myself back against my husband.

 

_November 2013_

_Dear diary._

_Blaine and I were in touch more often since his first email. I don't know how to describe it but it feels all new and yet so familiar. We text most of the time now. Easier and faster than emailing back and forth. We avoid speaking about relationships or anything heavy like that. No questions from either of us on that matter. I don't know what that means. I'm scared to ask. Maybe he is too. Britt is happy that Blaine and I are in contact again. Rachel, San and Finn... not so much. I understand their reservations, but I don't need them to protect me from heartbreak. The last 12 months were ruled by my heartbreak. It can't get worse at the moment. We didn't speak about what that meeting up on Christmas will mean to us. If we want to keep contact as in being friends or if there is more. I don't know. I guess I just have to wait and see. Nothing else to do. It's still 4 weeks away. Thanksgiving is over and I'm back in NY again. Family time was wonderful and much needed. Too much food, too much laughter, really silly board-games... I love my family. Still. It hurt when I think what happened a year ago. I really hope that we will have the opportunity to talk about what happened and how we will move on from there. If there isn't any chance to get back together I need closure. I need to know what went on in his mind last year. And what happened in the last 12 months. I think I deserve the full story. Am I being childish? Maybe. But I still love him and I never stopped. If there is the slightest chance to get him back, I will not hesitate to seduce him to love me again. Damn. I need a plan. Have to talk to Mercedes and Britt. Better not get the others into my planning. They will try to convince me to leave it be. See ya next time and wish me luck, Kurt_

 

“Can we directly move to your Christmas entry, darling?” Blaine bounces on the couch and I chuckle while I watch the puppy next to me.

 

“Seriously. How old are your right now?” I try to look stern but my eyes probably shimmer with elation.

 

“These diaries make me 19 again. Can you blame me?” Blaine rubs his neck and he grins like he did when he was 19.

 

I have to lean over to kiss the smirk from my husbands face. I can't help it. He is adorable. Still. It's funny that I still have butterflies in my tummy when he looks at me with adoration, love and so many emotions that show on his beautiful face. This man is mine. Mine to love, mine to care for, mine to seduce, mine to share my life with. I'm one hell of a lucky guy.

 

Blaine looks at me questioningly and cocks his head a bit. “What are you thinking about?”

 

“You,” I just say and he ducks his head a bit.

 

“Okay. I love you too,” he says and points to the diary. “Yes?”

 

I just snicker and look through the next pages to find the one he asked for.

 

_December 2013_

_Dear diary._

_Hm. Where do I start? Dad and Carole arrived early. They stayed in a hotel for a week until after Christmas. We already did some sightseeing, Spa and shopping with Carole, Broadway with both of them (dad slept through the whole play... and he snored... I'm still furious...), grocery shopping at a nice market and visiting Finn in his dorm (ugh, I still can't step into that room without fear of getting sick). Rachel, San and Britt were great and we had a few awesome days together. And there is Blaine. We will meet up tonight. I'm so nervous I'm scared I'll get sick. We'll meet right around the corner of our apartment in a nice comfy coffee-shop. My clothes are ready on a hanger in my room and I'm currently pacing the floor. Well right now I'm writing this but before and when I finish my entry I'll start again. Fuck. What if all is too messed up to fix it? At least he told me that it will only be me and him tonight. So no awkward meeting with a new boyfriend or something. At least for tonight. I can't concentrate on anything right now. Dad and Carole are thrilled that I'll meet Blaine tonight. I thought dad would want to meet him too and rip his head off. It's a bit suspicious that he had nothing bad to say when I think about it. Britt hugged me tightly when I told her about the meeting tonight. Well I don't want to get my hopes up too much. Better protect my heart and see what he has to say. It would save me some tears I think. Let's see what will happen. I can only guess what will happen. So no more wondering. I'll listen to some music and will get ready. Tell you more tomorrow. Again, wish me luck. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Please please just go on, okay?” Blaine begs and I smirk before I turn the page.

 

_December 2013_

_Dear diary._

_Um... well... I'm not sure what exactly happened in the last couple of hours. Too much information, too many emotions, too much of everything. Okay, from the beginning. When I got ready and literally threw up from nervousness before I brushed my teeth for the fourth time that day, Santana kicked me out of the apartment without another word. Dad and Carole just smirked, Rachel threw me a glare and Britt kissed my cheeks for luck. I walked to the coffee-shop and thought about waiting outside. I was a bit too early but I needed to soothe my nerves with a mocha. When I entered the shop and took a look around the tables I spotted him. OMG. He was even more gorgeous than a year ago. His curls were a bit longer and his skin was more tan. I froze on the spot and gulped. Blaine watched me too and although he smiled at me I saw the same fear and nervousness in his eyes. I mean, I've known this man for a while and his face is always expressive. He already had a cup of coffee in front of him and when I got my shit together I gestured if he needed a refill. He shook his head and I indicated that I would get myself a coffee too. He nodded with a smile and I breathed deeply for the first time after the first shock. I tried to compose myself enough as I waited for my mocha. When I had my cup in hands I slowly walked over to Blaine's table and just stood there waiting. He got up from his stool and we just sank into each others arms. I took a deep breath and just smelled his scent. He smelled the same as I remembered him. It made me dizzy. I missed him so much and I couldn't stop the tears that were threatening to leave my eyes. After what felt like hours but probably was only a few seconds, he pulled back a bit and just held my arms to look me in the eyes. He had tears in his eyes too. We sat down and I had no idea where to start. After a few awkward moments he asked me how I was doing and we started to chat properly. It was nice. We talked about everything and nothing until we needed to talk about the important things. We left the coffee-shop and took a walk around the neighborhood. After we found a bench where we could sit a bit more privately Blaine told me how sorry he was for what happened Thanksgiving last year. I just listened to his explanations and how he just didn't want to hold me back. Blah Blah Blah. I was ready to intervene his monologue but then he told me that he was wrong and that he missed me so much and that he made the biggest mistake of his life. WOW. Okay. I wasn't ready for that but he told me that there was no one else for him and that he still loved me so much and that he wanted to get me back if I gave him the chance. I was silent. The whole time. And stunned. And not capable of a reaction. He misinterpreted my silence and told me that he totally understood that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and that he was too late. I didn't really hear the rest of his rambling because I nearly jumped him and kissed him hard. After the initial shock he kissed me back. With so much passion that I got dizzy again. My senses were on overload and we clung to each other with our tongues fighting for dominance. It was perfect. I was drowning in Blaine. When we parted with dark eyes and kiss-swollen lips new questions were running through my head. What now? Will we try long-distance? Does he want that? To restart our relationship? How often would we be able to meet? So many questions that needed answers before we started something we couldn't get back from. We talked about previous non-relationships. He had some hookups, I had some hookups. Nothing serious or even real dates to talk about. It was always him for me and me for him. Kind of romantic. Well, except the heartbreak and one year of misery. I knew that we couldn't talk about everything that evening and we agreed to take it slow. We both knew that we still wanted each other and we wanted to make it work this time (well Blaine wanted to make it work as I never stopped). He told me that he was in town for another 4 days and if I wanted to spend some more time with him. I agreed of course and we will talk tomorrow. After he accompanied me home, we kissed in front of my apartment for a couple of minutes. I melted. I missed his taste and his kisses and his touches so much. We jumped apart when we heard whispering and giggling inside the apartment and Blaine excused himself to the hotel. He wasn't ready to face Santana, Britt, Rachel and my parents at the same time just yet. We kissed one last time passionately with the promise of seeing each other the next day. When I stepped into the hallway of the apartment everyone hurried towards the living room. As if I didn't notice them spying on us. Haha. Well. It was kinda funny. When they saw me they started the inquisition of what had happened between us and if we were together again. I told them what Blaine and I agreed to and after reassuring Rachel and San that I was absolutely positive that we could make it this time they were more or less happy for me. Dad and Carole hugged me tightly and told me that they were happy for both of us too. When I asked my dad why he was so understanding towards Blaine he told me that Blaine had visited him last month after Thanksgiving and told him the whole story and how he felt about me and that he knew that he made a big mistake and wanted to get me back to make it right again, if I would let him. I hugged dad again with tears in my eyes. Afterward I slapped him playfully because he didn't tell me a thing of that encounter. Well, I guess I can forgive him when everything works out this time. I'm so tired now. After not sleeping last night and all that had happened today I'm just exhausted. I will go to bed now and I'll see Blaine tomorrow again. YAY. Can't wait to kiss him stupid. HA! Now that I can. Well. Let's see. I try to not be too enthusiastic about it all but it's kinda difficult. I'm happy. Fucking happy. See ya, Kurt xo_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reading and see you next week. Greets, Dana


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we are again. Chapter 9 is waiting for you. I hope you'll enjoy it. Thank you for reading!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters.

Chapter 9

 

Blaine hugs me tightly and kisses my neck. “You know, I was so freaking nervous and scared that you would slap me in the face or kick me in the junk or something.”

 

“What? I have manners, Blaine. I would have punched you in the gut.” I cackle and Blaine laughs out loud.

 

“It's late, darling. Do you want to go to bed? And show me your awesome moves?” Blaine waggles his eyebrows at me and I just stare at him incredulously.

 

“You've got to be kidding me. I'm tired and we had sex a few hours ago. Are you horny again?” I shake my head and Blaine throws me a pleading look.

 

“Baby, you make me horny all the time. And I promise that you don't need to do anything. Let me do the work and just enjoy me worshiping you, okay?” Blaine nearly begs at this point and strokes my thighs and then higher and higher until he reaches my groin.

 

I gasp audibly and Blaine pushes my shirt a bit higher to kiss my abs and my stomach with featherlight kisses. I sigh happily, close my eyes and get comfortable when my phone rings again. I groan out loud and grab the frustrating thing.

 

“It's Tommy. Family phone time done for the day then, right?” I grin and pick up, “hey baby-boy.”

 

“Daaaaaaaaaaaad. Really now? I'm an adult. Please don't call me baby-boy anymore.” Tommy sounds a bit annoyed but I know my son.

 

“Stop moaning. I know that you love it when I call you that. What's up?” I ask and put him on speaker.

 

“Oh nothing much. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you and papa. How are you?” Tommy says and I can hear voices in the background.

 

“Aw Tommy. We miss you too. So much. Not necessarily right at this point but in general.” I grin and he sighs.

 

“Okay, let me guess. You are alone with papa and you're having sex right now. Shall I call you later? Or tomorrow?”

 

“No! Don't worry. We will have time for that later. Tell me how you and Patrick are doing. Are you both all right?” I ask and Blaine sits back on the couch next to me.

 

“We're doing great, dad. Listen. I was wondering if you wanted to visit us next weekend?” Tommy's voice is a bit unsure and I start to worry.

 

“Tommy? Please tell me what's going on? You are on speaker and your papa and I worry.” I say and grab the phone tightly.

 

“No, please don't worry. It's nothing bad. I really need to talk to both of you face to face, but it's nothing to worry about. So please don't think that. I promise. It's just that Patrick and I would like to see you if you can manage a visit next weekend.” Tommy sounds a bit surer now and I can practically see him running his fingers through his dark curls. He looks so much like Blaine. My handsome darling-boy.

 

I look at Blaine and he nods his agreement.

 

“Sure. We'll visit you next Saturday then? Would that be okay?” I ask and I practically hear Tommy grin on the phone.

 

“Yes! Great. We look forward to your visit then. Thank you both and see you Saturday! Love you both so much. Give papa a kiss. Bye!” And with that he ends the call.

 

“Well, well, well,” Blaine says. “I think there is an engagement coming our way.”

 

“What?? No way. They are much too young to think about such a commitment.” I huff and cross my arms over my chest defensively. “And don't tell me that we were young too when we got engaged. That's totally different.”

 

“It's not and you know it.” Blaine replies with a smirk.

 

“Let's wait and see, okay? Maybe it's something totally different.” I stand up from the couch and carry our glasses and plates to the kitchen.

 

Blaine follows me, wraps his arms around my waist from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. “Honey, we won't lose him. You know that. He's still our little boy and you know how much he loves us and his sisters. Don't worry too much. I can see you getting scared. Don't. All will be okay. I promise.”

 

“I know that,” I sigh and put my head back onto his shoulder and close my eyes to let Blaine just hold me and sway me for a moment. “I'm scared and I can't believe he's already nearly 21 years old. He was just a baby with amber eyes and brown curls a few days ago.”

 

Blaine snickers and kisses my jaw. “Kurt, you are ridiculous. Don't let him hear that. You have to let go at some point. He's an adult and the twins will be too in a short time. That means we have the house to ourselves again and that's not all bad, right? You're getting melancholic and I understand that. But think about it. In a few years we will be granddads and then our children will be happy to visit and let their children have a sleepover here to get some alone time. And you can gush over the babies again like you did when ours were that age. But this time we can give them back. Ha! That's a nice bonus. We will have an awesome time!”

 

“Hm,” I whisper, “that thought is actually pretty nice.”

 

“Thought so,” Blaine grins and kisses along my neck until I squirm.

 

“Okay, mister. You promised me worshiping. You can start that, now. I'll be waiting for you naked on our bed. Don't take too long or I'll be sleeping already.” I chuckle and run towards our bedroom when Blaine yells after me.

 

“You mean you'll be snoring if I'm too late.”

 

“I don't snore, Blaine. Don't say that all the time. It's not true and you know that.”

 

“It is true and YOU know that my darling.”

 

“If you don't stop saying that I won't let you do anything to me again tonight, Blaine. Your choice.”

 

“Fine! You don't snore. You just breath really loud. Better?” Blaine says and I hear him running towards me.

 

“Another word and you'll sleep on the couch. I mean it, Blaine. Don't tease me. You know I'll stick to it when I'm being pressured.

 

“Come on. I was joking. Get naked and I'll be with you in a minute.” Blaine states and I hear him rummaging in the bathroom.

 

“Okay, but hurry. I'm really freaking tired.” I get rid of all my clothes and lie back on our bad face down on my pillow with my arms crossed underneath.

 

A minute later Blaine enters the bedroom and gets comfortable sitting on my thighs. He's not entirely naked because I can still feel his boxer briefs on my skin. A delicious smell fills my nose and I immediately recognize our massage oil. I'm thrilled at the prospect of getting a nice massage from my husband and relax even more into my pillow.

 

The first touch of Blaine's hands is on my shoulders. He must have warmed the oil beforehand. It's awesome and I sigh happily.

 

“Relax, darling. I will ease your tensions from the day and the events from this evening. Just let yourself go for a bit and enjoy.” Blaine murmurs and plants a kiss on my right shoulder.

 

“Oh you bet I will. Thank you, honey.” I whisper and let Blaine do his magic.

 

He strokes my shoulders with little pressure, increasing it when he feels knots in my back muscles and caresses the same spot afterward to ease it again. I'm totally relaxed when he reaches the small of my back and changes the position to massage from my thighs to my ankles. I moan a little when he starts on my toes. I definitely don't have ticklish feet, otherwise I would probably already have kicked him in the face. Blaine doesn't touch my butt and moves towards my biceps and forearms.

 

“Do you want me to massage your front too, honey?” Blaine asks with a low voice and I lift my head to look at him.

 

He's still in his underwear and I can see the bulge in his briefs. I turn around on my back and watch him as his eyes get darker while he rakes his eyes over my body as if it would be the first time he sees me naked. The thought gets me going really fast and I feel myself harden on the spot.

 

“You are so fucking beautiful, Kurt. I still can't believe you're mine.” Blaine says in awe and places himself on my thighs again.

 

He lets his oiled hands glide over my chest and I close my eyes for a moment. I feel his fingers squeezing my nipples and gasp. Blaine's hands glide over my abs and he positions himself between my parted legs to start with featherlight touches on my thighs. I can't help myself and start to moan lowly.

 

I open my eyes again as I feel Blaine leaving the bed. He watches me with heavy lidded eyes and removes his underwear.

 

Then he crawls back on the bed, I grab him around the waist and we roll around for a moment, kissing passionately and hungry.

 

When we settle again and gaze lovingly into each others eyes, Blaine turns me on my front again and starts to caress my butt. I spread my legs a bit and he checks how open I still am from earlier. After he got us both ready he lies on top of me and enters me slowly.

 

“Oh god, Blaine. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too, baby. Are you feeling good?”

 

“Yes, I'm feeling awesome. Don't stop.” I moan and throw my head back a bit.

 

“Wouldn't dare,” Blaine groans back and picks up the pace just a bit.

 

We move together for what feels like hours until I can't hold back anymore.

 

“Blaaaaine, I'm close. Please... move faster. Make me come.” I cry out and Blaine hammers over my prostate until I scream and come for the second time this evening.

 

Blaine thrusts another three times into me until he's buried as deep as possible when he lets go and comes too.

 

“Oh god. Can I pass out now?” I ask breathless and Blaine giggles.

 

“I'll clean us up and then you can sleep, darling.” Blaine pets my butt and climbs from the bed.

 

**************************************

 

When I wake up it's still dark outside. The perks of getting older are that you don't need as much sleep as you did with 20.

 

Blaine lies on his back and I am snuggled against his side, head on his chest. After a soft kiss on his peck he slowly opens his eyes.

 

“Good morning, handsome. Did you sleep okay? You were already sleeping when I came back from the bathroom.” Blaine says with a sleep-filled voice and rubs his eyes.

 

“I did and I was, I guess. Thank you for yesterday. For taking care of me and being there when we read through my diaries. It felt good to read it together and discuss some of the entries with you. Do you want to go on after breakfast?” I yawn and stretch when I sit upright on our bed.

 

“I'd love to if you want. Let me get some breakfast for us and we can eat in bed. Shall I bring the diary?” Blaine gets up and is already on his way to the kitchen.

 

“Yes please. And get no. 3 too. I think we're nearly at the end of no. 2.” I get up and take a quick bathroom break and brush my teeth before I head back to bed.

 

I hear Blaine rummaging in the kitchen and a delicious smell of scrambled eggs fills my nose. My tummy growls.

 

After another couple of minutes he enters the bedroom with a tray of food, OJ and coffee. I never loved my husband as much as right now in this moment. No, that's not true but in this moment it could be.

 

“Here comes the breakfast, honey. Get yourself comfortable and I'll get the diaries.” Blaine sets the tray on my side of the bed and hurries back to the living room before he's back with the two diaries.

 

We eat in relative silence and share some glances and a few sweet kisses during breakfast. When we're done I place the tray on the floor and we snuggle back against the headboard of our bed and I flick through the pages until I find the next one.

 

_December 2013_

_Dear diary._

_OMG._

_OMG._

_OMG._

_So much for taking it slow...._

_Um. Let's just say that Blaine's and my feelings match each other. And we are still very much compatible sexually..._

_Well. After a night of incredible sleep and a heavenly breakfast with my girls and parents and Finn I relaxed until Blaine's and my date in late afternoon. First we went for coffee in the same shop. We met up in front of it and kissed briefly but so sweet in greeting. After an hour of fun and just talking and laughing we took a cab to a nice restaurant, where Blaine had reserved a table for us. Dinner was great and it's so funny that we fell just into our normal routine with each other. It wasn't awkward or strange or something. It felt like we never were apart at all. Well. Of course we were and we need time to ease the pain we felt for over a year but I'm positive that we'll get there again. I want to make it work and Blaine seems to think the same way. After this delicious dinner I asked him if he wanted to take a walk and after another hour of strolling through Central Park hand in hand we stood in front of Blaine's hotel. He asked me if I wanted to come up and I agreed. We shared shy glances in the elevator and light touches. When we entered his room all shyness fell off of us and we hungrily attacked each others mouths. Not even 5 minutes later we were naked on his bed and I bottomed for the first time in over a year again. Wow. It felt like the first time again. It was amazing. Loving and hungry and desperate. When we cleaned up in the shower I fucked Blaine against the tiles and I have no idea how often we got each other off the rest of the night. I can't think of a time where we did it this often and so long. In the middle of the night we passed out and when I woke, Blaine was draped over my body and I felt at peace for the first time in so long. I was a bit scared that Blaine would retreat again when he woke up and that he would tell me that it was just a hookup for old times sakes but he assured me that we would make it work. He had a plan but he wanted to wait to tell me until the new year because he wasn't sure if his plan would work out and he didn't want to make me sad in the end if it didn't. I could live with that and he promised me that he would definitely visit me for spring break latest if he didn't get the chance to come over sooner. Unfortunately my income wouldn't allow me to fly over to San Francisco anytime soon. So I really hope he'll stick to his plan. We will Skype and call each other of course. But meeting up is so much better, if possible. Well, let's face the music when it starts playing. Right now, in this very moment where I am alone in my room after a lovely “see you later, honey” from Blaine when I left his hotel room I am incredibly happy. I could cry. Maybe I did. Um. Well. Okay, I did. But we'll see each other later again and Blaine will be over at our apartment. The whole bunch of the family (and yes, I see my girls as family too) will be here and we will have a nice night in with board games, movies and football. Ugh. I already told Finn that I appreciate his concern regarding Blaine, Rachel too, but that I am a grown up and I am sure of our relationship and that I beg them to give Blaine a chance. Otherwise I will get bitchy with them and they hate it. So, tonight will be interesting. I don't think dad will make a scene. He loves Blaine like his third son and apparently they already talked everything through without my knowledge. I can't wait for our future. I still have 2 days with Blaine before he has to go back and I intend to make use of it as much as possible. Duh. Obviously. Of course I had some kind of walk of shame this morning when I came back home. Rachel bitched that I was so stupid to fall right into bed with Blaine again, Britt was happy and asked me how many babies we made and Santana just asked if Blaine's dick had a growth spurt unlike himself... Holy fuck my girls are nuts. And you know me, I gave little or no answers to any of them. After a nice hot shower I fell into my bed and slept for another couple of hours. I hear banging on the door. Must be dad, Carole and Finn. Have to get ready. See ya, Kurt xo_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for reading folks. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Next update, next week. See you soon! Greets, Dana xo


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we go again. Chapter 10 already. Enjoy reading and thank you for your interest.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters. Blah blah blah. You know how this goes.

Chapter 10

 

I pull out the picture of our 'reunion' in Central Park where we sat on a bench and we kissed passionately with scarves half over our faces and pink cheeks from the cold.

 

Blaine caresses my face on the picture and gets a bit melancholic. “I never blamed you that you thought I would retreat again and leave you high and dry. I understood and still do understand your concerns and insecurities on that part. But we worked it out in the end, right?” Blaine nuzzles behind my ear and I smile at him.

“Oh god, I remember that day when I came over to your apartment and it was really tense at first with Santana, Rachel and Finn. But after an hour Santana was sitting in my lap, Rachel hugged me from behind and Finn demanded that I sit next to him for the football game. That was quite endearing. And you fucked me hard against your bedroom door not even another hour later. Everybody could hear us. Oh my god, Kurt. In the heat of the moment I didn't give a shit but when I think about it now it was embarrassing.” Blaine blushes slightly and I snort at his bashfulness.

 

“Oh honey, we did so many more things to annoy our friends and families. Don't start. Let's go on with the diary, yes?” I search for my next choice of entry.

 

_December 2013_

_Dear diary._

_I am crying. Like a child. Blaine is gone again. I accompanied him to the airport. We parted with kisses and tears and more kisses and even more tears. I don't think I will be able to cry for days because I got it out all on one day. No, that's not true. I remember that I cried for days before. But you get my point. I'm devastated. I want him here all the time. Blaine got along exceptionally well with my family again. Britt was so happy that she couldn't stop hugging him, dad and Carole forgave him already when he visited them after Thanksgiving, Rachel had a heart-to-heart with him in the kitchen, Santana scared the shit out of Blaine by threatening that she would castrate him if he broke me ever again (oh god, please don't. I need his dick and the possibility to produce a little Blaine, har har). Um. Yeah and Finn was so easy to appease. Blaine brought him his favorite doughnuts. Problem solved and everybody loved each other again. We won't be together on New Years, but Blaine promised to try for Valentines Day. I really hope so. We'll Skype on New Years for sure and then we'll see. Dad and Carole are back in Ohio too. So it's the girls and I again. Elliot met Blaine briefly one day and they get along great. It was funny to see the jealousy in Blaine's eyes in the beginning. When we met Elliot's boyfriend Ben he relaxed a bit and after maybe an hour we four laughed so hard and got along great. I'm happy that we can share friends in the future. It's important to me that Blaine doesn't feel like an outsider. And Elliot told me that he would swap Blaine for Ben anytime if I was into that. REALLY NOW??? NOT HAPPENING. This guy is crazy. I'm still not totally convinced that he was joking about swapping partners. I won't think about it for now. Ugh._

_I love my job. They give me so much room and they believe in my abilities. I'm just a freaking intern but they ask ME for my opinion on designs and encourage ME to get inspired to draw my own sketches. I'm sure that I will be a designer in the future. Maybe even with my own company or line. I knoooooooow I'm crazy but a guy can dream, okay? I have visions in my head. Blaine will be a famous musician or orchestra member, I'll be a famous designer, we will marry and have some kids and a house in the suburbs. Maybe a cat or a dog. OMG! Did someone give me crazy pills??? Holy fuck. Maybe I should just go to bed before I do something ridiculous like fly out to San Francisco and kidnap Blaine to Las Vegas or something. Riiiiiight, I'll go to bed. See ya soon, Kurt_

 

“Oooooooooh honey you got pretty close in your visions, though! I'm impressed,” Blaine snickers and sits back with crossed legs.

 

“Yes, didn't you know that I'm a fortune teller in my spare time?” I cackle back and tickle his ribs.

 

“Kurt, no. Don't tickle me. That's not fair. I will scream.” He laughs and holds his stomach.

 

“I know that already, honey. I'm a fortune teller. Don't forget that.” I throw myself onto my husband and after a few minutes of tickling we both are crying from laughing so hard.

 

“Okay, stop. What's next my dear fortune teller? Can we move on?” Blaine asks breathlessly and I grab the diary again to scroll through it.

 

_February 2014_

_Dear diary._

_Happy new year. Sorry, I was so busy that I forgot to write for quite a long time. What happened in the last month..._

_Hm. New Years I was at a party at Elliot's and we had so much fun. There was a sing-off, a dance competition and a lot of alcohol. Oh holy cow. I drunk-called Blaine over FaceTime at midnight as we said we would and I kissed my phone really slobby and drooled on it (that's what they told me... I can't remember that much from that night). He called me again 3 hours later for his own New Years. I can't remember that either. I was home already and Britt held the trashcan while I hurled into it. (That was something they told me too, I never found any evidence of these tales. Well, January was pretty stressful. We had a lot of classes and tests at Parsons and my work at Michael Kors was exhausting but so worth it. They changed my unpaid internship into a paid one. They must be impressed with me. I can finally save some money to visit Blaine this year. YESSSSS. Can't wait. What else... Hm. Blaine can't make it for Valentine's, but I didn't expect him to. It was more a rush of ' I'll try to come over but don't be sad if I can't make it'. So hey, it's okay. It's kinda hard to just call and Skype and text all the time, but we make it work. It's surprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be. We are both so busy with college and work and life that it still feels awesome to see Blaine on my laptop screen or hear his voice. It's going great. And we do get off when we have the chance to be alone in our rooms and watch each others blurred features over the screen. It was weird the first time we tried cyber-sex. And I hate that term... but we got really good at it and it's a good alternative to just jerking off in private and in the dark with just thoughts of each other. So, nothing really interesting happened in the last five weeks. Can't wait for spring-break though. Finally having Blaine in my arms and in my bed again. I'll have to pay San and Britt to go out to watch a movie or have a loooooooong dinner. She's so mortifying when she takes every opportunity to make us uncomfortable or interrupts any form of sexy times. Ugh. Rachel and Finn will go on a date on Valentine's. Britt, San and I will stay in and do a movie marathon of rom-coms. In the evening I'll Skype with Blaine. So something to look forward to. Okay, nothing more to talk about I guess. See ya soon, Kurt_

 

“I actually remember your drunk-call on that New Years, honey. We never talked about it, did we?” Blaine asks with a cocked eyebrow and I shake my head. “It's true though! You said so many sweet things to me, then you licked your phone screen and then the call ended somehow. When I FaceTimed you on my midnight you were in bed, your beside lamp was on and you mumbled something that I didn't understand and the screen was pointing to the ceiling and then I heard you gag and believe me I could nearly smell the vomit over the phone. I heard Britt shushing you and you said you loved me so much and wanted to cuddle with me and then Britt took over wished me a happy new year, sent me an air-kiss and then the line went dead.”

 

“Oh my god...” I just say and hide behind my hands.

 

“Oh Kurt! No need to be ashamed of yourself. It was funny and you were so cute.” Blaine grins and I peak through my fingers when he starts to kiss my hands that are still on my face.

 

“Okay okay, let's go on,” I change the topic and turn the page.

 

_February 2014_

_Dear diary._

_I hate Blaine..._

_No I don't. I love him with every fiber of my being. But I still hate surprises. He surprised me on Valentine's. OMG I must have looked like I got bitch-slapped in the face. Britt and San knew of his plans. But let's start from the beginning:_

_Rachel and Finn were out celebrating. Elliot and Ben were too. San, Britt and I were home watching movies, like we planned all along. We were on movie no. 3 I think when the girls paused the movie and excused themselves to their room for a moment. I knew they wanted to have some alone time and I understood. I went to the kitchen to get myself a snack and a hot chocolate. When I came back into the living room I heard some kind of soft music from my bedroom and I wondered who would put on music while I wasn't there. I put my snack and the mug on the coffee-table and went slowly over to my bedroom and opened the door silently. What I saw made me weak in the knees. Rose pedals were all over my sheets and a few vanilla scented candles had been lit and were glowing on top of the drawers, the soft light came only from them and my bedside lamps and Blaine stood near the window in a dark gray suit with a bouquet of red roses in his hand. I felt like fainting and I bet my facial expression was laughable. I just mumbled 'Blaine?' and I ran into his arms and nearly crushed the flowers. I kissed him hungrily and wet and Blaine laid the roses onto my desk to embrace me fiercely. When we finally pulled apart I wanted to know what he was doing here and he told me that he wanted to surprise me and that he would go on a date with me if I wanted and he could stay until the next evening. So we had 24 hours to be together. I cried out and hugged him again. San and Britt knocked on my door to tell us that they would go out as planned and wished us a wonderful evening. San complimented Blaine's outfit and Britt wished us a happy-baby-making-Valentine's-day. We were alone at last and I refused to go out and share Blaine with anyone. I told Blaine to put on some lounge clothes and snuggle with me in the living room. We ate some snacks, watched a movie, snuggled on the couch and were just happy to be together. After the credits rolled on the TV I couldn't contain myself any longer and hauled Blaine to the bedroom to get him naked as fast as possible. It didn't really take much convincing. Blaine was as desperate to touch me as I was him. The first time was frantic, fast and hot, the second time was slow and full of touches, caresses, slow kisses, glances and smiles. We fell asleep at some point and when I woke up in the early hours of the morning I was draped over Blaine's chest. When I lifted my head I looked into the most beautiful eyes I ever saw. I still can't believe that this gorgeous human being is mine to touch and to love. We got dressed in our sleepwear again and cuddled a little more until the girls burst into my room to give a proper greeting to Blaine. San has no boundaries to pull the sheets off and have a good look so I'm really thankful that we did the right thing to get dressed again beforehand. After a wonderful breakfast and a relaxing bath we went out for a walk and Blaine told me that he had a big fight with his dad over his plans that he still couldn't talk about and that he cut him off of his money. So he wasn't sure if he could make it over spring-break. At first I was a bit sad and disappointed but my plans to visit Blaine in San Francisco were beginning to get more concrete. So I told him that and he kissed me enthusiastically. I don't understand Blaine's dad at all. I mean, they always had a rough relationship but to cut him off is mean and evil. When the time came for Blaine to get back to the airport we parted a bit less teary eyed than the last time. Spring break was only a few weeks away and we would make it work. Many kisses and only a few tears later I went back to the apartment. Now more than ever I want to visit Blaine in San Fran. So, I'll make a plan with the girls and look for flights. YAY. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Mmmmm, I remember Valentine's. That was so beautiful. And your face was really priceless.” Blaine mocks me and just roll my eyes at him.

 

“You know how much I hate to be surprised. But this one was awesome. I can't deny it. We had so much fun and I enjoyed your visit. Still, it hurts to think about the break with your dad.” I furrow my brow and glance at Blaine with a concerned look.

 

“I'm past that, honey. Don't worry. It hurt at that time, sure, but we never really got along that well since I told him I was gay. So, let's not be sad about what happened. Cooper was there for me and you were my rock. And in the end, I didn't need his money after all. My fund was due a year later and I – or better we - managed quite okay that year without my parents money.” Blaine smiles at that and I smile back before I turn the next page.

 

_March 2014_

_Dear diary._

_The time in San Francisco was incredible. For more reasons than one._

_WOW. San Francisco is awesome. I mean, it's not New York but... wow. It's a beautiful city and the light breeze is just mhhhhhh. I'm already back in NY but let me tell you what happened in San Fran:_

_Blaine picked me up at the airport with lots of hugs and kisses and he drove us to his dorms. His roommate Chris is a cool guy. He's was already packing when we came. He'd gone home for the break. Okay I admit that we spent the first two days only in Blaine's dorm. More precisely in his bed. But hey! It's been a few weeks and we craved each other. On day 3 we went to lunch in a sweet little café at the beach and spend the rest of the day doing touristy things. I quite liked it there. On day 4 Blaine got a phone call from the administrative office of his college where they told him that they needed him in their office ASAP for an important talk. When he came back to the room he grinned like a 5 year old and told me finally what was going on. This is where I start screaming and squealing again. Good that you can't hear me * **squeeeeeaaaaaaaaal** *. Blaine told me that he got a scholarship for the Manhattan School of Music and he will transfer to New York in the summer..............................*faint*_

_You can imagine that I was shocked first. I didn't really understand what Blaine was telling me and when the words sank in, I screamed, squealed, cried, sobbed and hugged and kissed Blaine for what felt like an eternity. He cried with me and we had another round of frantic sex. Well. Can you blame me? I was fucking happy and I finally understood the meaning of his words. He will come to New York and finish his school there. We will be in the same city. We won't be apart again and we won't have to do long-distance anymore. He can sleep in my bed whenever we want to. Oh shit. We didn't speak about living arrangements. I have no idea if he will be in the dorms or if he will look for an apartment. Though I don't think so regarding his actual financial situation. I need to have a talk with the girls. Maybe he'd be willing to live with us? Britt and San share a room too and now that everything is solved between Blaine and the girls I don't see the problem. Who should I ask first? I think I need to ask the girls for permission first. Oh and Rachel's dads of course. Holy fuck, Blaine will be in New York for good. I called dad yesterday and told him the news. He's happy for us and Carole cried on the phone._

_On day 6 Cooper came from LA to visit both of us and we had a great time together. On day 7 I had to fly back and we spend nearly the whole day curled around each other with goofy grins and just happiness. Another 2 months and he will be with me permanently. I never thought that there was the possibility or the thought of transferring for Blaine. This means so much to me and I know that he's doing this mostly for me, but partly for himself too. He likes San Francisco but he didn't make many friends and his most favorite people were and are in New York. We'll both start our junior years after the summer and we're half way through our college time already. Time flies. I'll be 20 in 2 months. I wonder when is the right time to get engaged? Hm, I'll think about it when we figured out where Blaine will live. If he will live with us it will get messy with 5 people under the same roof. We only have one bathroom and with me and the girls it's already stressful to get ready in the mornings. I'm positive that we'll find a way eventually. I don't think that we'll be able to visit each other before the summer break. It's too expensive for both of us. So I'll have calls and Skype and texting again until then. Okay, I have to go and will call Rachel's dads first, then talk with the girls. Will let you know, what we decided before I call Blaine and ask him if he wants to move in with us. See ya, Kurt_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading and reviews always make my day. See you next week :-) Greets, Dana


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SORRY I'm late. Caught up in work and blah blah blah. You know. Here is chapter 11. Enjoy reading and warning: I'm on Xmas holidays for 2,5 weeks so no update before January 10th. Please bear with me.

Chapter 11

 

“Honey, are you crying?” Blaine asks me while a smile plays on his face.

 

“No! Must have been a bug or something. I got something in my eye.” I grumble back and try to hide my face in the diary.

 

“You have no idea how long I wanted to tell you about my plans to move to New York, but I had no confirmation until that day and I didn't want to say something and then it not work out. So I was as surprised as you at the same time. But your face was so worth it. And the incredible sex afterward.” Blaine wiggles his eyebrows mischievously and I just giggle at his words and kiss him softly.

 

“Okay, what's next?” Blaine gets a bit impatient now that we're heading towards his move to New York. I turn some more pages to find the one he's hinting at:

 

_May 2014_

_Dear diary._

_BEST.BIRTHDAY.EVER!!!!!_

_I had an awesome birthday. Incredible. Terrific. No words. Just gah!_

_I got loooooooooads of presents, my girls threw me a wonderful party and the love of my life moved in with the girls and I. What can be better? I'm over the moon right now and I can't wait to get domestic with my man. I mean, okay, we will need time to adjust to all the new stuff and Blaine has no idea what will hit him when the girls are on their periods. He will be run over by a freight train. But I gave him a warning. I am a thoughtful boyfriend at least. Especially San and Rachel, they are horrible at those times. They cry and yell and scream and cry some more and yell even louder and munch a whole can of ice-cream per day. After that they complain that they will get fat now and that they hate everyone and everything. Then they demand a back and foot rub because they are in so much pain and we owe them attention and kindness because they are the poor creatures who have to go through a pregnancy and they have the awful pain during labor. Then they start laughing hysterically, try to curl themselves around you to be comforted and then they yell again that it's all 'Adam's fault because he let himself be seduced by Eve and took the damn apple in paradise and ate it. And that's why men are all weak pigs and can't say no to a pretty girl'. These are not my words! WHAT THE HELL??? As you can imagine, one of the girls is on their period right now. I could write books about their strange behavior. I love my girls endlessly but I'm so thankful that I don't have these weird mood swings. I am bitchy without all that shit. And in this case I'm even thankful that I'm not straight and have to deal with a girlfriend. I mean in THAT way. Holy fuck..._

_Well, it's time for summer break. My internship is still going great and I will have a lot of work over the summer. I even got feedback for my first sketches and they loved them. Blaine is looking for a job too. Hopefully he can find something to occupy himself. The girls have jobs and he would be all alone the whole time. I know Blaine. He would go insane after 3 days. Well maybe 6 days when he does some sightseeing before. Haha. Sorry, couldn't hold that one back. Hm, what else happened? Nothing much I'd say. OH! I nearly forgot. Mercedes finally found her man. His name is Bobby and he's a few years older than her. I'm so happy for her. Elliot and Ben moved in together. YAY. It's just a matter of time until one of them proposes now._

_Holy mother of god... Blaine just entered our bedroom and he's only wearing a tiny towel around his hips. Um. Sorry, I'm drooling on the page right now. I have to go and ravish my boyfriend. If you could see his body. Ngh. I'm already hard. Uh that will end in another shower for both of us in a bit. Sorry. Bye, Kurt xo_

 

After finishing to read this entry Blaine can't hold his laughter back anymore. He nearly screams from laughing. Tears run over his cheeks and he's red in the face from holding back. I mean, I admit that my writing was or is kind of silly and sometimes even annoying or boring, but I don't get why the hell he's laughing so loud. Nothing I wrote was really that funny.

 

“Blaine...,” I just huff and slap his arm. “What the hell is so funny?”

 

“Give me a second,” Blaine hiccups and brushes away the tears from his face. After getting himself under control again he coughs once and turns to face me fully.

 

“Sorry, darling. I was just laughing about your perfect description of a woman's mood while on her period. Especially Rachel and Santana. Oh god, I remember the first month when I didn't have any idea what hit me. I can really laugh about it now, but that first month I really thought about sleeping at Elliot's for that time.”

 

“What?” I interrupt him and he back-paddled a bit.

 

“I was scared like crazy and I couldn't really deal with their behavior. It got better though. Thank god. And I can honestly say that I love the girls like crazy, but I'm so happy that we found our own place after a while. The whole bathroom fights and kitchen fights and grocery shopping fights were kind of scary.”

 

I remember the situations and smile fondly at that thought. “Mhhh, yes. That was not really easy with us 5 living together.”

 

“Do you remember that I often showered in the middle of the night because I had no other choice? Oh my god. Getting up at 3am to use the shower and then getting yelled at for making noises in the middle of the night,” Blaine snickers.

 

“Ha! Mostly, my darling, you went to shower at that time because we were just done with having sex. Don't blame the girls now. Blame yourself. You were insatiable.” I grin challenging in his direction and I don't have to wait long for his reply.

 

“You've got to be kidding me! It was mostly YOU who seduced me late at night to have sex,” Blaine chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief.

 

“Well, you may be right about that but I never heard any complaints from you, so don't blame me now,” I wink at him and wet my lips seductively.

 

“Oh no! Hell no! I can't go at it again, Kurt. Give me a few hours.” Blaine moans and throws his head back against the headboard.

 

“Calm down, I was just messing with you. Shall we go on?” I pat his thigh and turn my attention back to my diary.

 

Blaine mumbles his approval and I turn some more pages.

 

_July 2014_

_Dear diary._

_It's so fucking hot this summer. FUCK. If I could, I would sleep in the bathtub. With cold water in it. I can't get enough sleep. It's too hot to sleep, it's too hot for sex and it's too hot to just lay on the bed while wearing nothing but briefs. And then you have a boyfriend who sleeps the whole night on his back because of the heat and snores the whole fucking time. I threw him out last night and he slept on the couch. Blaine wasn't really happy with me and we had a fight this morning. It was a really bad one. I accused him of doing that on purpose and yelled that it would have been better for all of us if he had decided to sleep in the dorms. I know that classes haven't started yet, but I'm moody when I don't get enough sleep. He could at least have tried to sleep on his front. Fuck. Blaine just looked at me as if I had slapped him in the face, packed a small bag without another word and left the apartment with a loud slam of the front door. Fuck. Am I right or did I overreact? The girls are just eying me suspiciously. I know that they don't want to choose anyone's side here but at least someone could tell me who overreacted this time. He didn't pick up the phone yet. I think Rachel and Blaine texted today, but she didn't tell me anything. How am I supposed to get any sleep tonight when I have no idea where he is and when he'll come back. Shit. I'll text him now..._

_No answer.... Fuck he is so uncooperative sometimes. And I thought that I would be the drama queen. Maybe I'll call Elliot and Ben. Blaine hasn't made many friends yet because school starts in September and he's mostly with us. I'll call Elliot now..._

_Okay, he's with Elliot and Ben. At least they told me that he's okay so far but that he won't come back home tonight. Well I guessed that already with a packed overnight-bag. Do they think I'm dumb or what? Nice friends I have. Finn said to me something like 'dude, that was awful of you. No wonder that Blaine left you'. WTF?? I called Mercedes after that and told her what happened and what did she say to me? 'Boo, how could you say this to Blaine? Are you nuts? No one snores on purpose to annoy his partner. Bobby snores too but we figure it out nonetheless. Get over yourself and apologize to your man. Pronto.' Fucking fuck. Are they all against me now? I'm going to bed now, otherwise I'll do something horrible. Like telling my friends that they could fuck themselves and to never put their noses into my business again. Maybe I should call dad. He's probably the only person who would understand me. Fuck it. I go to bed. Kurt_

 

“Blaine...,” I start but Blaine puts his hand on my mouth to shut me up.

 

“No more apologizing, honey. You said you're sorry many many times and I know your temper. Please don't apologize for that again. All is forgiven and not worth mentioning again, okay?” 'Blaine shushes me and takes his hand back from my mouth.

 

“Okay, but please know that I know that I was awful and wrong.” I beg and throw him my puppy look.

 

“I know, darling. Come on, let's continue.” He gets comfortable again and I scroll the diary.

 

_July 2014_

_Dear diary._

_It's been 5 fucking days. 5 days since Blaine left the apartment and slept at Elliot's. 5 whole days of no text or call or anything. 5 days since all the people around me told me that I'm childish, stubborn and fucking unfair. At first I was really pissed. Even dad scolded me and told me that I'm being unfair and that what I said was so out of line. I had a few days to think about it and I am aware that I treated Blaine like shit. I want to make it better and I want him to come back to me. I have no idea if he's that mad that he would break up with me. I'm hurting and I realize that I hurt him a lot more. I miss him. I miss his presence, his smile, his eyes, his embrace, his reasonable self and just him as a person, as my boyfriend and the love of my life. I need a plan to make it up to him. Today! I cried myself to sleep the last 2 days. I know it's my fault and I am so fucking sorry. I have to call Elliot and ask for his help. I will prepare the apartment with a romantic setting, will ask the girls to maybe have a night out and try to convince Elliot that he needs to get Blaine home to me. I will cook Blaine's favorite lasagna, buy flowers and beg for forgiveness. Okay, first draft of the plan is done. I need to call people, go places and get my man back home. Wish me luck, Kurt_

 

“See? That's what I meant,” Blaine says and smiles at me. “You got it in the end. And because I knew you, I waited for you to come around. Maybe I was acting a bit childish too, but your making up was awesome.”

 

“Thank you, honey. And I have to say we enjoyed ourselves immensely that night,” I say with a smirk on my face before I turn the next page.

 

_August 2014_

_Dear diary._

_I'm so happy right now. Blaine forgave me. Multiple times... * **cough** *._

_Elliot and Ben surprised Blaine last night and cajoled him to go for a walk with them and when they stood in front of our apartment building Blaine already knew what they planned and when he knocked on the front door I was so nervous like I was on our first date. I practically ran to the door and had to hold myself back when Blaine stood in front of me with a curious but reserved look on his face. I hurt him and the thought came crashing down on me. I started to sob and wail on the doorstep. Blaine's eyes got huge and he threw himself into my arms. After closing the door he shushed me and wiped the tears from my face. (God he's so selfless. I behaved like a spoiled child and a fucking brat and he comforted ME...). After my tears subsided I told him how sorry I was and he just kissed me passionately to shut me up. After a few minutes of just kissing and holding each other Blaine let me apologize. I pulled him into the living room where I had dimmed the lights, put on some soft music and already placed the meal on the coffee-table. When we were done eating with flirtatious glances and a little groping, Blaine said that he forgave me already and that he would come home. We danced in our living room to some romantic ballads, shared soft kisses and let our hearts beat a fast rhythm when we started to get rid of each others clothes as fast as possible. I nearly threw Blaine on the couch and before he knew what was happening I already engulfed his dick in my mouth. Blaine panted already hard when I started to deep-throat him and when he started to fuck my mouth I moaned around him like a whore. Bing, and then he came. After he came down from his high we cuddled for a while on the couch. I refused to let him return the favor. This was about him and my apology to Blaine. We went to our bedroom later where I let Blaine handcuff me to the headboard and he fucked me into the mattress in 3 different positions. I have to say that make-up sex is the best kind of sex. It's passionate and frantic and full of kinks. Not that I don't love slow building sex and the teasing. Of course I do, but when you crave your partner after days of not touching and speaking it's like a drug. You are high on sex. We made the most of it and I can say that we are both crazy sore today. Holy fuck. Every muscle in my body aches. The girls came back this morning when Blaine and I were still sleeping and because they are annoying and they love us both immensely, they jumped on the bed and we startled awake in panic. Crazy bitches. But I love them to the moon and back. We had a celebratory breakfast and everything feels like it's back to normal again. I am a little clingy today but Blaine doesn't seem to mind. I mean I can't really promise that it will never happen again, I know myself, but I promise that I won't wait 5 days again until I make a move to beg for forgiveness. Only if it's my fault, of course. Duh... I have to go back to work tomorrow. I took a day off to resolve everything with Blaine. My co-workers were incredibly annoyed with my huffing and attitude. They couldn't stand me for the last days and my boss told me that if I didn't get my man back, he would move me to the storage or the post department where I could spread my moodiness all by myself. Good that we figured it out at last. I hate the storage. It's cold and it smells bad in there. Well. Let's just say that I'm freaking happy that Blaine forgave me and I can return to work in my normal mood._

_Oh, Mercedes told me that Sugar and Artie are dating now. Huh. Didn't see that coming. Well, I'm happy for them. Okay, I'll wake my adorable boyfriend. He took a nap. Said that he couldn't really sleep on Elliot's and Ben's couch. Not only because it's not really comfy, but the noises. Holy hell, Elliot and Ben must be even worse than Blaine and I in the bedroom. Haha. Poor Blaine. See ya, Kurt_

 

“You have actually no idea what those guys were up to. And they didn't even care that there were other people around them. I have to ask them if they are still that way. Or maybe we just ask their son Marlon. I bet he can tell us some funny things about his dads,” Blaine laughs and I just roll my eyes.

 

I know everything about Elliot's and Ben's sex-life. Not that I ask anything about it at all but Elliot chats a lot when we meet. And most of the things he shares with me I never wanted to know.

 

“Believe me, honey, I know!” With that I just wink at him and turn back to my diary for the next entry.

 

_October 2014_

_Dear diary._

_Is it bad when I have to admit that I am an incredibly jealous person and I did something really bad? And childish? Like really childish? And I didn't have the courage to talk to Blaine about it? Because I'm ashamed of myself? I am guilty, so guilty and I wake up in the middle of the night soaked in sweat. NO! I didn't kill or physically harm anyone. But let me start from the beginning:_

_There is a guy in Blaine's classes. His name is Jack. He is so obviously after my boyfriend. Blaine told me many times that they are only friends and he would never encourage Jack that they would ever be more than friends. I totally trust Blaine. I always did. But this guy is always charming and has a perfect body and perfect hair and a perfect face. He is a nice guy, I have to admit that, but my skin tingles in a bad way when he is around. So some of Blaine's friends were talking about Jack, when he was not around and they said that Jack cheated on the last test and he traded the answer papers for their next test for a blowjob with said professor under his desk. They were joking about it and no one was a bit concerned or disgusted by his behavior. So maybe I called the administrative office of the college anonymously and told them exactly this. They must have found evidence in Jack's dorm room and he got expelled immediately. His parents were informed and he had to go back to Kentucky to study in community college. The professor got fired too. I mean, I'm sorry that I ruined his career in a way but it's not okay to hand over papers to encourage cheating for getting a blowjob in return. So, what should I do? Should I tell Blaine that I was the one who got Jack expelled because I was jealous or not? Secrets are never good in a relationship. I know that. What if he hates me for ruining their friendship? No I can't deal with it by myself. I'll talk to him later and will admit what I did. And I will tell him how sorry I am. I snapped. It was a hasty decision and I didn't think about the consequences. Well shit. Let's see what will happen after I tell him._

_Wish me luck :-( Kurt_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you in January. Happy holidays and whatever you celebrate in whatever country you live, enjoy yourself and be with the people you love! Greets, Dana


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi dear friends, back from the holidays. Here comes chapter 12, if you are still with me and not bored to death. LOL. Enjoy!

Chapter 12

 

Blaine turns his face towards me. “We already talked about this. I mean I was a bit shocked first, because I didn't expect you to do something like that because of jealousy. But hey, Jack and his professor did something illegal and I don't know if someone else would have said something in the long run. So don't worry about it anymore. I get why you did it and it was morally absolutely okay. You didn't lie or make something up. You just stated the truth. I was kind of proud that you would do something like this for me and our relationship. Not that it was in danger because of Jack. But hey, it was and still is flattering.”

 

I nuzzle my nose against his and plant a kiss on the tip of his nose before I search for the next interesting story with a small smile on my face.

 

_November 2014_

_Dear diary._

_Oh my god! Our apartment is the epitome of a hellhole. Rachel is throwing plates and vases and other fragile things through the apartment. Apparently Finn cheated on her in a drunken state at a dorm party. Holy hell. I have seen Rachel angry. But this is terrifying. First she was just devastated and cried the whole day. She ate a lot of ice-cream and chocolate (our all time comfort food) and wailed in her room and the living room for 2 days. Now the mood changed to anger. And she has a lot of that right now. She is screaming and destroying our china. She slams every fucking door and threatened me to never let Finn into the apartment again if I don't want to lose my bedroom to someone else. Because he's my fucking brother anyway. Okaaaaaaaaay. I'm not Finn and we're not related by blood and she's my fucking friend, so if she doesn't calm down in the next couple of days I will bitch back. Blaine is the definition of calm in person. I have no idea how he's doing that. He pulls her in his arms and talks calmly into her ear and strokes her back until she tells him that men are all pricks and the worst invention of all times and that she thinks about looking for a girlfriend instead. Britt and San are out of the apartment most evenings to get away from Rachel. I can understand them but I won't give in this time. Finn calls me every fucking day multiple times to please tell Rachel that he's sorry and that he'll never do that again. She won't even listen to me so I give up for now._

_Dad and Carole will come over for Thanksgiving and I have no idea if Rachel will visit her dads this year. There's no way that she will be in the same room as Finn for the holidays. She'll tell us in time. So Blaine and I are doing a weekly date-night since our big fight. I love it. We go out for dinner and stroll through Central Park. It's so romantic. And because Santana is a bitch sometimes, she has this new habit to put a note on our bedroom door when we excuse ourselves which says 'Don't disturb the lovers while they fuck each others brains out'. Thanks San. Very considerate of you..._

_Okay, I need to get some sketches ready for tomorrow. Have to go. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Oh god, I remember that time with Rachel and Finn. It was hard watching them both suffer. But her phase after the anger was even worse.” Blaine sighs and I just groan.

 

“Oh god, don't remind me. She became such a slut and had a new one-night-stand every other day. Every willing NYADA student was at least once in her bed. I don't remember that I saw a face twice leave our apartment. Poor Finn. I don't know how much Rachel told him about that time when they were broken up.” I shake my head and look for the next interesting entry in my diary.

 

_December 2014_

_Dear diary._

_Blaine is behaving strange. He's jumpy and skittish, he blushes without reason and checks his phone all the time. If I wouldn't know it any better I'd say he's cheating on me but I know that he wouldn't do that. I asked a few times but I just get excuses and half-answers. Hm. Not sure what all this means. He's been behaving like this since around Thanksgiving. But I have no idea if something has happened. Dad and Carole were wonderful as always, Britt and San were like themselves as always and Finn was grumpy but nothing happened. Rachel was with her dads in Lima and Blaine and I were great. All felt perfect. I interrupted a conversation between dad and Blaine late that night, but I don't know what it was about. No one was looking angry or sad or anything. On the contrary. They were smiling and giggling so I don't think that it was something I should worry about. If Blaine is behaving like this until Christmas, we need to have a talk. It makes me nervous._

_Next topic: Finn and Rachel are back together. Thank god. It was horrible for everyone involved. So everything is back to normal and they are lovey-dovey again._

_Other topic: I got a call from Tina today. She and Mike got engaged!!!! Holy shit. Finally. I'm so happy for them. They have been a couple for a long time and the wedding will be around June in Lima. YES!!! Tina asked me to help her with her dress and I can't wait to send her some sketches. I have so many ideas. We will probably Skype once a week to see if she likes my ideas. This is so exciting. My first wedding planning since dad's and Carole's wedding. You can't see me now but I'm clapping my hands in excitement. * **sigh***. I love weddings so much!!!! Can't wait to get married myself someday. Well, who knows if Blaine will propose or if it will be me someday in the future. I didn't really think about a date yet. I mean, we have been together for a year and in total we've been a couple for 4 years minus the year we were apart. So 3 years. Hm. It's a lot longer than some other people who get married. Dad and Carole were together only for what? A year? I think it was less. But dad once told me 'when you know, you know'. Hmmm maybe I should think about this a little more and ask the girls what they think about a proposal. Let's give it some time until after Christmas. Then I will probably have a little more time to start planning a proposal for Blaine. I know that he is the one for me._

_Oh shit. I got a text from Tina. Emergency Skype session ASAP. Have to go. See ya, Kurt_

 

Blaine starts to say something but I interrupt him as soon as he opens his mouth.

 

“NO! We won't talk about this one. No, no, no. You can laugh after the next entry,” I say and hastily turn the page.

 

“Okay, honey. Whatever you want.” Blaine grins and kisses my neck.

 

_December 2014_

_Dear diary._

_I.AM.SPEECHLESS. I'm never speechless but right now I'm speechless. Like really speechless. Um. Where should I start? My last entry was a week before Christmas I think and I told you about Blaine's strange behavior. I'm sitting here at my desk right now crying..._

_No, don't get me wrong. These are not tears of sadness. These are happy tears. Like really fucking happy tears. Okay, you still have no answer what got me so happy, right? I have to go back to my last entry._

_After my Skype call with Tina she asked me if I would be able to make the wedding dress myself instead of just sketching it. Okay, I am a very loyal friend and I said yes. So I asked her what she had in mind and I took notes. Later that night I had already drawn 3 or 4 different sketches that I sent her via email. She loved all of them. Well. That didn't really help with a decision. I have no idea how I will get her measurements in time. I won't be in Lima for a while and she can't really come to New York right now. We'll figure something out eventually. Okay, so a day before Christmas Eve, dad and Carole flew in and we spent a wonderful day together. I got a bit suspicious because they kept me out the whole day and I hadn't seen Blaine since that morning. He wanted to come with me but he had an important meeting with someone from college. Well, we got back home in the evening and I was exhausted from all the walking through the city. Dad told me that he had made a reservation in a nice restaurant near Central Park for Christmas Eve so that no one was in charge to cook that night. Wow. Dinner on Christmas is fucking expensive. But dad said it was their Christmas gift to us. Later that evening Blaine finally came home and apologized that he couldn't make it earlier. I just kissed him in answer. The evening was cozy with all of us gathered in the living room. Dad and Carole sat in the fluffy armchair, Britt and San on the loveseat, Finn with Rachel in his lap on one side of the couch, Blaine with me in his lap on the other side. We watched a few movies until Rachel and Finn were the first to set off to bed. Dad and Carole hailed a cab to their hotel and San and Britt were going in simultaneously. I must have fallen asleep on Blaine at some point into the last movie and he carried me to bed. When I woke up on Christmas Eve morning it was already around 10am and I was alone in bed. I heard voices from the kitchen and when I got up and threw some clothes on I found my whole family making breakfast. The sight was just wonderful. I stood there in the doorway and listened to their conversation for a moment when Blaine spotted me, grinned like a toddler and came over to hug me good morning. Carole mentioned the mistletoe above our heads and we both leaned in at the same time for a loving, slow and sweet kiss. Hollers and chuckles were heard but I didn't care. As our kiss grew deeper and I wrapped my legs around Blaine's waist, dad cleared his throat rather loudly and we pulled apart. Our morning was beautiful. No arguing, all couples were lovey-dovey, everyone glanced at each other with a knowing grin which I didn't understand the slightest. Was I missing something? Clearly. Did I have a clue what it was? Of course not. After everyone except dad and Carole got ready we decorated the apartment and sang some Christmas carols. I can honestly say that this Christmas Eve was one of the best I ever had. It was incredible. In the afternoon my parents went back to the hotel to get ready for our dinner and the girls, Blaine and I did the same at home. So the girls wore beautiful dresses, Blaine wore a black suit which suited him like a glove. It was breathtaking. I wore a dark gray suit with a black dress shirt. Even Finn looked great in his kind of suit. Well he's Finn. At least he didn't wear baggy jeans and a hoodie for once. Haha. Well, my parents came over again and together we went to the restaurant. The staff was very nice and polite and we got a table in a secluded area. Apparently dad and Carole had already organized a complete menu for us and the starter was delicious. Okay to keep it a bit shorter, the meal was wonderful, we enjoyed ourselves immensely, when the time for dessert came, everyone got nervous and skittish again. I was just about to say something when the waiter came with a gorgeous strawberry-cheesecake. When he placed it in the middle of the table Blaine stood up and I let my eyes wander between the cake and Blaine. Until I saw the inscription on the cake. 'Kurt... Will you marry me?' I inhaled sharply and I bet my face displayed the emptiness in my brain. Dumbstruck. Blaine took my hands and kissed the back until I finally looked him in the eyes and he made the most beautiful speech I ever heard or even dreamed of about loving me and me being his perfect counterpart and the one and only. I have to admit that I was so overwhelmed that I don't remember everything he said, but the most important thing was that he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Everybody clapped and whooped when we kissed passionately. Blaine pulled the ring-box out of his pocket and presented it to me before he slipped it on my finger. He told me that he was sorry that it wasn't as expensive as he wanted it to be but because of his current financial situation it was 'only a silver band with a tiny diamond in it'. I couldn't care less. It was gorgeous. Like my fiancé. OMG. I have a fiancé. We kissed again and everyone around us embraced and congratulated us. Dad took me aside and told me that Blaine had asked him for his permission at Thanksgiving and that he of course gave it to him. Huh. That's why he was behaving so strange. Dad was so happy that he shed a little tear when he hugged me fiercely. I sobbed into his suit like a baby. The girls and Carole gushed over my ring and over Rachel's shoulder I saw Finn and Blaine hugging tightly. The evening was perfect. My favorite people were here together and I was engaged. Holy shit. I have no idea how much I cried and smiled the whole evening. Dad ordered a round of sparkling wine for us to celebrate and I couldn't stop giggling and smiling and holding my fiancé's hand. When the cake was gone and we took a walk before heading home, the events from that day came crashing down on me and I realized that Blaine beat me in my proposal plans. I told him that and he chuckled and kissed me in the middle of Central Park. After another hour of celebrations at our apartment including Elliot and Ben, my parents excused themselves with more hugs and kisses and 'thank you's'. A while later the girls and Finn went home with Elliot and Ben to crash in their apartment to 'give the newly engaged couple privacy for a couple of rounds of celebratory sex.' We used the time well and this morning, when everyone came back for a late breakfast, we were grinning like lovesick puppies and we finally could exchange Christmas gifts. It was a lovely affair and I can't stop thinking how lucky I am. I have wonderful parents, an incredible fiancé, a funny and amazing brother and the most caring friends a guy can have. I'm a hell of a lucky man. I know, I am SO cheesy right now, but I can't describe all the emotions that try to escape my mind. I'm still overwhelmed and I need a moment to process the last two days. I have to go ring shopping with Blaine within the next few days. He deserves a gorgeous ring on his finger. Okay, I think I have to go back to my family. Enough summing up of the last couple of days for now. See ya later, Kurt_

I pull out the pictures that are on top of this page. The first one shows Blaine and I grinning like crazy and I show off my left hand with the beautiful ring on my finger. The second one was taken by our waiter and showed the whole group in the restaurant sitting around the table with smiling faces. The third one is later that night at our apartment. Ben took the picture and it shows Blaine on my lap with his tongue shoved down my throat and the girls, Finn and Elliot look like we are dry-humping each other. I put the bookmark into the diary and close it silently to look at my husband. He has tears in his eyes again (like me) and we smile softly at each other.

 

“I am so sad that I don't remember your whole proposal. I really was too overwhelmed to keep it in memory. I know that it was beautiful and I can't forget how you looked at me in the restaurant with our most cherished people around us. I still can't stop smiling when I think about it.” I blink a few times and put my hand on Blaine's thigh.

 

“You know, someday when we are done with your hundreds of diaries I may admit that I have a box of treasures of my own and I will share the content with you. It's no diaries, but I have letters, pictures and the draft of my proposal and many many more little things which remind me of you, our children and all the important events of our lives,” Blaine confesses and I beam at him.

 

“I'd love to see them one day, honey.” I state and my phone starts ringing again.

 

I take a look at the ID and groan. “Nooooooooooo, it's Rachel. It's way too early to talk to Rachel. Don't wanna. Can you talk to her? Please?” I beg and hand Blaine the phone.

 

“Hello my lovely Rachel. What can I do for you on this fine Sunday morning?” Blaine breathes into the phone and I have to put my hand on my mouth before I start to snort.

 

“No... Yes... I think so... If you say so... Okay... No, I have to ask Kurt first... What, now?...No way... No, we have plans... What do you mean you have to leave town?.. No... Yes... Uh-huh... Really?... Oh, I didn't know that... Yes, whatever you want... What?... No... Oh god... Is he okay?... No, that's so Finn... Yes, okay... Uh-huh... Right... Good... See you later then... Yes, I'll kiss him from you... Okay... See you... Okay... Bye...” Blaine ends the call and I just stare at him.

 

“What the hell was that?” I ask in disbelief and wait for Blaine to explain.

 

“Well, she asked me if we could watch Aiden for 3 days from tonight because she and Finn have to leave for Lima. Leroy is in the hospital. She doesn't know exactly what happened but you know Rachel. And Joseph is in college and can't come home to take care of his little brother. She's worried like crazy and Britt and San are out of town until next Friday. Some law conference in Chicago. Elliot and Ben are on vacation right now so they can't take him either. That leaves us. I said yes. I know you understand that, right? I mean, he's our nephew and we love him.” Blaine ends his monologue and sighs dramatically.

 

“Oh my god, of course we can take him. Shall I call her back?” I hurry and try to grab the phone.

 

“No need, honey. All discussed. They will be over late afternoon and he can sleep in Tommy's room.” Blaine gets up from the bed and strokes my face. “Don't worry. Everything will work out some way. I'm just visiting the restroom for a second. Be right back.” Blaine leaves the bedroom and I think about Leroy Berry.

 

He is a wonderful man. And he's very old. I think fondly of the generosity of the Berry husbands. The cheap rent in their New York apartment for Rachel's friends, the incredible wedding gift we got from them and all the other things they did for Blaine and I and our children. They are not only very generous relating to money, but to their kind hearts and the love they gave to all of us. I hope everything will be okay. I'm not ready to lose important people in my life. Tears start to fog my vision and I try to will them away.

 

Blaine comes back after a moment and he hugs me tightly. “We can't do anything right now, honey. Let's be there for Rachel and Finn and Aiden and we have to deal with the rest when it comes, okay? Do you want to go on?”

 

“Yes. Let's think about something else and drown in the glory of our engagement. Let me see what came next in my diary.” I say and open the diary again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, that was chapter 12. I hope you liked it. Cheesy, but I was in the right mood for it. Sorry if it was too much. See you next week guys. Greets, Dana


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: New week, new chapter. Welcome back, friends. I hope you'll enjoy chapter 13 :-)

Chapter 13

 

_February 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Time flies. Holy hell. It's already February again and I'm in full stress-mode. Planning and creating Tina's wedding dress, planning and creating Blaine's, dad's, Finn's, Elliot's and my suits for Tina's AND our wedding. Carole's dress, Rachel's, San's and Britt's dresses for both weddings. I'm in hell. Well, Blaine and I don't have a date yet. So the clothes for Tina's and Mike's wedding come first, of course. But we have to have different suits for both occasions. I mean, the suits we will wear on our own wedding have to be spectacular but I don't do boring suits for Tina's wedding. And I got promoted at work and they want to hire me after graduation. WTF? I'm in heaven. Yeah and in hell. I have so much to do. I barely sleep at the moment. In the evenings after classes and work I work on the clothes for Tina's wedding and in the night, I need a few hours to get my ideas on paper for Blaine's and my wedding. When I have a late morning class I start sewing. I'm tired. I'm moody, I'm hungry, I'm tired. Oh I wrote that already. Well I am. Blaine says I will overwork myself and then I'll have a breakdown. I know he's right but I won't let anybody else do the clothes. It has to be me. Maybe I should talk to Blaine about a date. We'll be 21 this summer so maybe September next year? Then we'll be 22 and done with college. I think that will be reasonable. But we have to find a location and we need to discuss how many people we invite. We could save some money when we hire the New Directions for the music. I bet most of them would agree to do that. Nice idea. Maybe even Blaine and I can do a duet or something. Rachel already told me that she and Carole will do the wedding cake. I mean, not that we can't afford our own wedding. Blaine gets his trust fund this year when he turns 21, but we agreed that we would save as much as possible for our own place after the wedding and maybe for when we plan to have kids. Mhhh what a thought. I can't wait to marry Blaine and then in a few years to have kids with him. I knooooooooow, I'm already dreaming again of our future, but this time I have a feeling that it will be exactly like that. Gosh, I'm babbling and babbling about so many different things at once. I'm so tired. It's 3am and Blaine sleeps like the dead. Okay, we had sex around midnight and he's exhausted, but I did all the work. I have to get at least one more sketch done tonight. Have to work now. See ya, Kurt_

 

“I remember one of those nights when I woke up because you weren't with me and I spotted you at the desk, head on your latest sketch, slightly snoring and charcoal on your face. You looked so pretty. And so tired. I have no idea how you got all that work done in time. I was and still am so proud of you, darling,” Blaine gushes and I groan.

 

“I have no clue how I did it, to be honest. I felt that the whole world came crashing down on me but I somehow had to manage to stay strong. For all of you and for me too, of course. When I look back, I am proud of myself too. It was an exhausting year, but we made it,” I say and grin proudly.

 

“That we did, my darling. Another one before brunch?” Blaine asks and I turn another page.

 

_April 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Holy hell..._

_Another 2 months since my last entry. Sorry again. I'm so fucking busy. Still. I know. But it's less then 2 months to Tina's and Mike's wedding. The clothes are nearly done. Thank god. Blaine gives me everything I need and don't even know that I need it. He's so supporting, loving, and more than ever he's patient with me and my outbursts. I am difficult right now. I know this. And Tina is sooooooooo bitchy at the moment. She came over here for spring break to get her dress done and I nearly kicked her in the shin when she asked me to make some more changes. But hey, she's the bride and I saw too many movies about weddings and brides. I know how they get. Hopefully I won't become a groomzilla. OMG. Blaine has the permission to scold me if I do. Ugh. Well. Mike is so calm though. He just let's Tina have her way. Blaine is the same way. Ha! Good for me._

_Yesterday I had so much fun taking Blaine's measurements again. I mean I didn't need to because he didn't gain any weight. On the contrary. He lost a bit but he gained muscles in all the right places. Mhhhh. Oh, I'm getting distracted. His waist is a bit smaller, his biceps grew a bit and he gained more abs and pecks because of his work-outs. So I told him that I need to check on his measurements for the suits and when he lost his clothes to only his boxer briefs I took my time to measure him everywhere and thoroughly. Haha... I touched his thighs softly and stroked over his belly while on my knees in front of him until I heard him gasp. I looked up to him innocently with the pencil between my teeth and I saw his beginning arousal. I tried so hard not to smirk. Must have worked because Blaine worked his fingers through my hair until I hummed and took the pencil out of my mouth to kiss and lick his abs. Well, as he started to beg me to do something, I really smirked and stood up just to say that I had my notes and he could put his clothes back on. First I got a shocked look, then he threw me a glare and then he smirked in return and smacked me on the butt. I laughed and he chased me through the apartment until we were back in our bedroom again. I surrendered and threw myself on the bed. I tried to look sexy but I had to laugh so hard as Blaine tried to strip out of his underwear and fell over his own feet. It just looked ridiculous. Our mood was great and we had a nice couple of rounds of awesome sex. Another addition to my favorite list: playful sex. With laughing and giggling and chasing and changing positions every couple of minutes to last as long as possible. LOVE IT! And it always feels new and special with Blaine._

_So, everyone is fine right now and nobody that I know of broke up or has someone new. Everything is perfect. Work is perfect, the girls are perfect, Finn is perfect, dad and Carole are perfect, Elliot and Ben are perfect, Mercedes and Bobby are perfect and Blaine, my wonderful wonderful Blaine is the most perfect of them all. <3_

_See? I am crazy emotional right now. And soooooo in love..._

_Have to get Blaine's suit done now. See ya hopefully sooner next time, Kurt xo_

 

“Gosh, you are such a sap!” Blaine whispers and kisses me hard on the mouth.

 

“Ha! Says the professional sap,” I retort and giggle. “Come on, you love me even more when I am sappy, so hush.”

 

Blaine kisses me again and nods.

 

“Another one?” I ask and already turn the page.

 

_May 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Holy fuck._

_I think every entry begins with me swearing._

_Ow. Ow. Ow._

_I have such a hangover. I can't stomach anything. Not even water..._

_Yes, I turned 21 yesterday and the girls, Finn, Elliot, Ben and Blaine thought it would be a great idea to get me as drunk as possible. Legally. Oh god..._

_I can't even remember a thing after my second cocktail. But unfortunately everyone filmed our little party at the club. I am a slut... Well not a slut with other men, but I nearly had sex with Blaine on the table in the middle of the club. But let me start earlier:_

_I knew that we would party at the club we frequently visit. Everyone accept Finn and Blaine were already 21 and they have a fake ID so no problems here. Shhhhhhhh I didn't say anything. I could finally show my own ID at the door and the doorman just smirked. We started with a sparkling wine and moved to cocktails. The first one was great and it made me giggly. I danced with the girls and Blaine and the boys watched us from the bar. Elliot then handed me a new cocktail, when we returned to the bar 20 minutes later. That one was really strong and tasted sour. But hey, I'm no prissy and I downed it in 2 gulps. Then everything went fuzzy. So the rest I'll tell you is evidence from various videos. YES VIDEOS... Oh god..._

_The second cocktail got the better of me and I lost all inhibitions. Fist I danced with Blaine on the dance floor seductively. Rubbing my butt on his dick while I grabbed the back of his neck to keep him close to me. He held on my hips and I started to grind backwards. I must have felt his erection because then my other hand grabbed behind my back to get a grip on his dick. I panted and my chest was heaving heavily. Blaine licked a long stripe from my collarbone to my ear. Apparently that wasn't enough for me so I dragged Blaine back to the table and slid on his lap when he sat down on his chair. We kissed wet and sloppy, I grinded down on Blaine's lap and he groped my ass. I shoved my hand under his shirt and played with his nipples until he slipped his hands down my pants (I went commando). Well I must have liked that a lot (duh...) because my grinding got faster and Blaine nearly threw me on the table and started to really dry-hump me. You can't hear much audio because of the loud music but whoever of the girls recorded that cooed and snickered like crazy. Could have been San, maybe. After Finn stopped us he gave us another round of cocktails until we cooled off a bit and on a later video I did body shots on Blaine's tummy. HOT like hell but hey, we ARE a sexy looking couple. Obviously nobody was in the mood to stop either Blaine nor me from making out like crazy and they decided to get us home. No clue what went down in the bedroom afterward, but Rachel said that she heard us moan the whole rest of the night. Hm, successful birthday I'd say. LOL. No laughing. Ow. Head. I think I'd better try to sleep for another couple of hours. Blaine is as hungover as myself. He's sleeping and out like a light. Was up once to pee and that was it. Going back to my fiancé. Good night. Or good day. Whatever. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Oh god. Don't remind me. But we had so much fun. Although I don't remember much either. Do you still have the videos, darling?” Blaine asks innocently and I cackle.

 

“Honey, these videos were saved on multiple devices, clouds and so on. Of course I still have them. And no, we can't watch them now. You know what will happen and we have other things to think about, today. So let's go on and then get ready to snuggle on the couch until the twins come back and Aiden will be here. Shall we?” I ask Blaine.

 

“Of course, honey. You're right. As always.”

 

I just shake my head and roll my eyes playfully at my husband and put my nose back into the diary.

 

_July 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Finally. Tina's and Mike's wedding is done. It was beautiful. I have no other words. It was a wonderful ceremony and the reception was awesome. The food was great, the seating plans were perfect, the bride and groom were so happy and so beautiful and they smiled the whole time. The families were embarrassing, as it has to be. Sam, the best man, had made a funny speech, Tina's bridesmaid was hilarious and already drunk when the reception started and the former Glee Club members who had the time to come enjoyed themselves immensely. We shared stories and experiences, talked about the future and the current studying. Blaine and I danced a lot and I can imagine our own first dance as husbands already. Ugh, I'm sappy again. Weddings make me so cheesy. We had an amazing time back in Lima. Everybody gushed over Tina's dress and I got multiple requests for dresses already. Okay, maybe I will be a designer sooner than I thought. It felt good to get so many nice responses for the work I've done. Now let's focus on our own wedding. We have a date!!!!!_

_September 7 th 2016\. CAN'T WAIT!_

_And because the marriage equality just passed in all 50 States we will marry in Lima and we will have the ceremony and the reception in my dad's yard. It's big enough for the number of guests we plan to have and we won't have to look for an expensive and fancy location in New York. We both don't want and don't need it. Dad and Carole are beyond happy and proud that we want to do it there. Well, we need to start with seating plans, flower arrangement plans, color theme plans, music plans and … so much to do, so much to plan. But I am refreshed after the last week of being lazy. I am buzzing with excitement. Blaine keeps me sane though. My rock. He's the best thing, that ever happened to me. But I said it so many times already. You know how much I love him. Can't wait to get started now. We're back in NY already and Rachel's dads invested in air conditioning. THANK GOD!!! It's finally bearable in the apartment in the summer. Not that I'm really complaining, but last year was so bad and we had that big fight back then. Don't want to repeat that. So, I'm thankful and happy with how the things are right now. Okay, have to go. Finn is coming over for dinner tonight and I promised to cook. See ya, Kurt_

 

I hum deep in my throat when I let the memories settle. “Tina's and Mike's wedding was really beautiful. Everyone was happy.”

 

“Yeah, it was,” Blaine says and chuckles. “And then my groomzilla came along. Oh, honey. You were the impersonation of the worst bridezilla's I ever saw. Holy dear. And I don't mean it in a mean way. It was kinda cute, but a bit frightening.”

 

I shoot him a death glare and cross my arms over my chest. “You have no idea how stressed I was in that year until our wedding. Work got so crazy, classes were cruel, the whole planning and all the problems and hard times we had to face. And you, mister, were no real help.”

 

“Hey, that's not fair. You asked me for my opinion and when I told you what I thought you were pissed and did it nonetheless the way you wanted so I just let you make the decisions,” Blaine said defensively and pointed his finger in my face.

 

“Hey, don't imitate your brother! Fine. You're right. But you could have at least pretended to share my opinions, right?” I snicker and Blaine snorts in reply.

 

“Come on, get going. What happened afterward?” Blaine demands and I open the diary again.

 

_August 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Holy fuck...._

_Everyone is sick. Literally everyone in this apartment is puking and has the nastiest stomach-bug ever. The girls, Blaine and I can't be up longer than 10 minutes. I have no clue where this came from but I never felt more sick. We share one bathroom for gods sake. Do you have any idea how disgusting it is when you hang over the toilet and someone else rushes in and hurls into the sink or the tub because there is nowhere else they can go? Oh god, I'm getting sick again..._

_'M back. I feel sooooooo bad. Blaine is running again. Hopefully the bathroom is empty right now. You can only hear whimpers from every room in this apartment. I have no words. Better keep my mouth shut anyway. Will try to sleep a bit. See ya, Kurt_

 

Blaine falls back against the pillows and starts to laugh. “Oh gosh, I remember our epidemic. That was so horrible. 3 days of total sickness. Ugh.”

 

“Don't remind me any further. Let's go on.” I say and turn to the next page.

 

_October 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Gosh, it's been long again since my last entry. Let me recall what happened in the last 7 weeks._

_There was a lot of planning, of course. We decided on a cake, the catering and the flower arrangements and the color theme. The seating plan is still negotiable. Blaine refuses to invite his dad to the wedding. I have no idea what I should do. I thought about sending him the invitation myself, but I don't know what Blaine will do if he finds out. Cooper and his wife Penny are coming. We talked several times on the phone and on Skype already. They are very nice. Elaine, Blaine's mom wants to come but she doesn't know if she can when Blaine's dad Thomas won't let her go. This family is difficult. I know it will mean the world to Blaine if Elaine will show up on her son's wedding day. Good that we agreed to have a rather small wedding. Only the closest family and friends will be there. I think we'll have around 50 people coming. The invitations were sent out yesterday. So we'll see how many people will confirm in the end._

_Anyway, what else..._

_Oh, Finn moved in for his senior year. Holy shit. We are 6 people now in this apartment. Blaine and I are really looking forward to moving out as soon as possible. We started to look for a 2-bedroom apartment but it's difficult at the moment. We don't even have time to meet with the realtor. So all we could do right now was look online. We found 2 or 3 which look rather good and are affordable. Blaine's birthday was 5 weeks ago and he got his trust fund. Holy fuck I had no idea how much he would get. Honestly I got a bit sick when I saw the amount of money on his bank statement. Nonetheless we need an apartment of our own. I love my girls like crazy but we're engaged and will marry next year and we need a place just for us to focus on our last year at college and then work. Blaine has a good chance to get a place at the New York Philharmonic Symphony Orchestra. He is incredible. His piano and violin skills are overwhelming. He has no real opportunity to practice at home but I accompanied him to rehearsals at college sometimes. WOW. I'm so proud of my man. And he has a special gift to write songs too. I'm looking forward to Blaine's career. Oh I just realized that I didn't really mention Blaine's career plans or skills earlier. I'm a bad bad boyfriend or fiancé who is only focused on his own career. Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm incredibly proud of Blaine. He will become a great musician in one way or another. Whether it's in an orchestra, or as a songwriter. I'm sure of it. And we found the most beautiful wedding bands. I'm so in love with them. I'll add a picture here. Can't wait to wear it. Not that I don't love my engagement ring. I do!! And I'll still wear it after the wedding. On my right ring finger. I think that was all I wanted to talk about for now. Have to sew for a bit, so I'll get going. See ya, Kurt xo_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed chapter 13. See you next week :)  
> Greets, Dana


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here is chapter 14 my dears. I hope you'll enjoy it :-)

Chapter 14

 

“Do you remember that when we bought our rings the meaning of the three diamonds in your ring was actually standing for 2 future kids and me? Ha! Who would have known that we would have twins. And they have your genes.” Blaine chuckles and caresses my wedding band. “Another one before we get ready for the day?”

 

I nod and turn the page.

 

November 2015

_Dear diary._

_OMG!!! We found an apartment. I'm so in love. With the apartment. And with Blaine of course. Can't believe we will have our own place in a couple of weeks. We'll move in before Christmas. I can't wait to share the bathroom only with my fiancé. It's a 3-bedroom-1-bathroom-apartment in Fort Greene – Clinton Hill – Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. It's a fucking penthouse. I'll add some pictures later. Oh my god. Our first own place. Just for us. Nobody there to bother us, interrupt us having sex or whatever. I can't wait to move in. It's fucking gorgeous. We will christen EVERY room in this apartment. I swear. We already packed the first boxes which are currently standing along the wall in our bedroom. So no wall sex for the next weeks. Har Har. Okay, I'm being silly. I know. But I'm so excited. I literally bounce all the time I think of our apartment. And you won't believe it. I'm nearly done with planning for our wedding. The most parts are done and booked, our clothes are nearly all done and we could start right now with the wedding. I'm so ahead of time. Can't believe my luck. Well, work and school is still stressful, but I had a couple of nights of really good sleep. I'm motivated and full of adventurous feelings. I could do something really stupid with my actual mood. No! I won't. So, nothing more to tell at this point. Will go surprise my man at college. He has late classes tonight. Maybe I can sneak in and listen to them play. I always get teary eyed when I listen to them. Incredible. Okay, I'll head out. See you, Kurt xo_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blaine hums and sends me a cheeky wink.

“Oh yeah. Our first apartment. It was gorgeous. And I can remember, the first week when we moved in I was really worried about our neighbors. We had so much loud sex in every single room. Holy dear. That was an awesome week.”

 

“Oh god, don't remind me. I was sore for the whole week and they were looking suspiciously at me at work and in classes from my lack of sleep. But nonetheless, it was incredible.” I grin and get up from the bed to get into the shower.

 

When I get rid of my clothes a waggle my eyebrows at my husband.

 

“Interested in joining me in the shower, honey?”

 

It doesn't even take 5 seconds before Blaine throws me over his shoulder and carries me into the bathroom and in the shower.

 

After a lot of groping, moaning and kissing we finally get ready for the day and start cleaning. When we're done it's nearly noon and I make a snack for us, before we settle back onto the couch to read a bit more.

 

_December 2015_

_Dear diary._

_YES!_

_We moved in, it's wonderful and I wonder why we didn't do this a lot earlier. Do you know what I hear right now? EXACTLY! NOTHING at all. It's silent in the apartment. No water running, no vocal practices, no tap-dancing, no swearing in Spanish, no arguing over TV programs, NOTHING. I love it. I'm waiting for my fiancé right now. He wanted to be here 30 minutes ago. I bet he got carried away practicing. But normally he tells me beforehand if something is up and he comes home later than agreed. It's not typical for him to not call or text. As I write these words, I get a bit antsy. I'll call him real quick..._

_He didn't answer his phone. Fuck. I hope everything is okay. I'm worried. Maybe I should try one of his friends from college? I don't want to stalk him but it's not normal. What shall I do? Calling or waiting? I'm anxious now. Really. It's 45 minutes. Fuck... The girls would have calmed me down by now but I'm alone. That's the other side of living alone. Fuck it, I'll call Michael. He shares most of Blaine's classes..._

_Fuck. Michael told me that Blaine left the college 1,5 hours ago. I have no idea what to do. Call the girls? Go looking for him? I'm really flipping right now. Please, can somebody please tell me that everything is okay? I'll call the girls and Finn now..._

_Nobody heard from him. I'm in tears. I can't stand this. What if something happened? I can't lose him. Not now, not ever. I'm going crazy here at home. I have to do something. Britt and San are trying the subway back and forth and Finn will check our cafés and restaurants. Asking if someone has seen him. It's 5 days before Christmas. Where the heck can he probably be? Classes end today. I have no clue what to do. Phone is ringing. BRB..._

 

“Honey, was that the day I had that accident?” Blaine asks me with a furrowed brow.

 

“Yeah. I didn't finish the entry because I had the hospital on the phone and I ran. I think I explained it in the next entry though. Shall we go on?” I ask.

 

“Sure. Go ahead,” Blaine answers and I turn to the next page.

 

_December 2015_

_Dear diary._

_Blaine had an accident. It's not as bad as it sounds. Thank god. He just sprained his ankle and was brought to the hospital to get it checked. His phone died on the way to the hospital so he couldn't answer. I'm so relieved you have no idea. He's already home with me again. When I got the call from the hospital I hailed a cab and made the nurses crazy in my panicked state. When I finally found him in the ER I sobbed like crazy and Blaine just wrapped his arms around me to comfort ME. Holy cow. What kind of partner am I? He was the one in pain and I cried a river... Well, he knows me and my dramatic moments. I was so scared. Thank god he's with me again. Doctor ordered no stress and a lot of cuddles. I can do that. As I said, classes are over for Christmas break and I took a couple days off of work. So now I can concentrate on the well-being of my fiancé and I plan to spoil him like crazy. He'd be annoyed of me within the next 2 days. Har Har. Plans for the rest of the evening? Dinner (it's obviously cold now and we ordered comfort food... pizza. Haha. Well I can live with that for once), a light massage of my poor fiancés sore muscles, cuddles on the couch, soft kissing on the same couch, maybe a bit of touching under the clothes (we'll see if he's up for that. OH. I guess he is. He's tickling me under my shirt right now, so I'm positive I can bribe him to enjoy my blowjob skills), bandage his aching ankle and kiss it better, carrying him to bed after a romantic movie and then we'll sleep. Tomorrow? No idea. We'll see how Blaine is doing and then we decide, if we will really host a Christmas party at our home. I know we promised, as the place is really big and we just moved in so we could do a housewarming too, but I don't know how Blaine will handle so many people. Let's see. Dad and Carole could sleep here instead of the hotel. We have a guest room. The third bedroom is Blaine's music room now. Oh my god, it's wonderful to hear him practice. I get goose bumps all the time. Oooookaaaaaay, my darling is getting impatient. He's stroking my groin... TMI, sorry. I guess, food after blowjob. Oh god. Have to... yeah. Bye. See you soon, Kurt xo_

 

Blaine laughs out loud and I grin at him.

 

“What? If I recall this right, you enjoyed my blowjob skills immensely. Don't deny it. I've never given head this often in just a couple of days. You totally took advantage of me. Not that I didn't enjoy it. We were so relaxed and had so much time to ourselves before Christmas.” I state and chuckle lightly at the thought. My poor parents got an awful lot of noises when they slept at our place for a couple of days.”

 

“Nothing new to them my dear darling. They were used to much worse situations around us.” Blaine says and tries to hide his giggle.

 

“True!” I just nod and turn the next page.

 

_December 2015_

_Dear diary._

_This has probably been one of the most beautiful Xmases I ever had._

_Dad and Carole came over on December 23 rd and they LOVE the apartment. Well, I knew that before. _

_We had a great Christmas eve menu planned and Blaine's ankle was so much better. Duh, I am the most caring fiancé after Blaine. San, Britt, Rachel and Elliot brought wonderful dishes to help getting everyone fed properly. Finn and Ben just ate. Haha. I think it was better that way. Their kitchen skills are really really awful. So they would have burned down their apartments in a matter of minutes. We ate with comfortable chats and drank wine to the meal. Dad, Finn and Ben drank beer. I think we just sat there all together until 10pm or so? It was so so good to have them all over. No pressure, no stress of serving or look out for party guests. A wonderful gathering of family members. Cooper called from LA and we skyped for a few minutes. He promised to visit on New Years. He's really a gorgeous guy, holy fuck. He's an Anderson. Not as gorgeous as my fiancé, of course. After that we exchanged gifts (only the girls, Finn, Elliot and Ben with us because the others exchanged them on Christmas morning) and around midnight everyone apart from Dad and Carole went home._

_After expressing our love in the most beautiful way (haha), I heard shuffling in front of our bedroom and after cleaning us both up I threw my underwear and a robe on to see who was standing there. Dad begged me to prepare him a hot milk with honey because his tummy ached from all the food we had. Dad..... I love this man. I knew that it was just an excuse to talk to me in private for a couple of minutes. I promised to meet him in the kitchen and went back into our bedroom to kiss Blaine passionately and explain to him what was going on. He chuckled and turned around to read a bit. When I met dad in the kitchen he sat there already and watched me with such a proud look on his face that I nearly cried. He then told me exactly that. That he was so proud of me and of Blaine and what wonderful men we became. Gosh he was so sappy sometimes. I fell into his arms and sobbed. Yes, I'm sappy too. Got that from my dad. We just hugged for a while and I told him that I was and am so thankful for him. And that Blaine is too. Blaine thinks of my dad as his real dad and Burt Hummel is so proud of that fact. He loves him too. So much. And I am so happy that they get along that great. After his half drunken milk he went back to bed and kissed my forehead. I felt like a 8 year old again. After we wished each other good night I entered our bedroom and found my beautiful soon-to-be-husband snoring – he was lying on his back, his book half over his chest and his chin – I nearly had to snort because of this adorable sight. After I got rid of my robe and my underwear (yes we sleep naked since we moved out) I cuddled close to Blaine's body and took the book from him and put it on his nightstand. He felt so good. Sleep-warm and so soft. I put my head on his chest and kissed him softly on his peck. I have no idea how I deserve this man._

_So, that was yesterday and this morning we exchanged gifts. Dad and Carole spoiled us with spa days and gift cards from our favorite shops in NY. Blaine and I got dad a some tickets for the Buckeyes and Carole clothes and jewelery. I got Blaine concert cards of his favorite bands and some clothes and Blaine got me scarves, a beautiful brooch and a gorgeous bracelet. He showed me the engraving and I nearly cried when I saw the words 'my forever'. Why is he always so attentive and I'm always practical? Ugh. My wonderful wonderful man._

_Okay, enough cheesiness. We had a wonderful breakfast and after lunch dad and Carole flew back to Lima._

_A few days of work now and then we host a New Years party here. I hope nobody breaks anything. And Cooper will finally come over. It's time._

_Okay, have to go now. Will write as soon as possible. See ya, Kurt_

 

“Our first Christmas in the new apartment was so incredible,” I say thoughtful. “We had the best time.”

 

“Yeah, that we did,” Blaine confirms and kisses the tip of my nose and I snuggle further into him. “What's next? New Year's?”

 

“Uh-huh,” I say, sip on my coffee and get to the next entry.

 

_January 2016_

_Dear diary._

_There it is. The year where Blaine will become my husband. Can it be September already? Yeah I know. I am so impatient. But I can't change the fact that I can't wait to make him officially mine._

_New Year's Eve was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwweeeeeesome._

_The party guests brought alcohol and themselves and around 10pm Blaine got the call that Cooper was downstairs. We didn't hear the doorbell because of the loud music. We buzzed him in and ran to the front door. When he exited the elevator Blaine threw himself into Cooper's arms and they hugged for a while. Both guys were crying silently. They missed each other so much and the whole mess with their parents was hard on both of them. When they finally parted Cooper scooped me into his arms and hugged me like a madman. He told me how happy he was to see me and that I was the fucking best thing that ever happened to his little brother. I blushed, thanked him and said that Blaine was the best thing that ever happened to me too. Cooper told us that Penny couldn't make it, unfortunately, because she's pregnant with their first baby and she has a really bad form of morning sickness. Blaine's eyes nearly popped out of his head at the news. He would be an uncle soon. As Cooper put it, WE would be uncles soon. OMG! I'll be an uncle. I can't wait for the baby to be born. We'll have to fly over to LA to get to know him or her. I'm so excited. The first family baby. I hope that Finn and Rachel take their time though. They aren't nearly anywhere near ready for that step._

_The party was a blast and half an hour before midnight we went up to our roof terrace to wait for the new year to arrive. Blaine, Cooper and I were rather drunk at this time. The girls, Finn, Elliot and Ben weren't better though. We sat there in our thick coats and a lot of blankets and a lot of alcohol and chatted and danced until a few minutes before midnight._

_Rachel and Santana put a tray of champagne on the table and we started the countdown. Exactly on midnight, Blaine and I kissed passionately to welcome the new year. I have no idea how long we kissed until our friends pulled us apart to hug and kiss us instead. The girls were freezing and went back down into the living room. Finn, Elliot, Ben, Cooper, Blaine and I were still on the terrace and talked about marriage and kids and careers. It was cozy and so nice to just talk. As far as possible with that amount of alcohol in our systems. We had fun. I danced with Cooper and when he jokingly tried to grope my butt Blaine nearly knocked him down. I laughed so hard. Ben and Elliot were making out in a corner and Finn told me in his drunken state that he wants to propose to Rachel. He wanted me to go ring shopping with him the next day and I promised to accompany him. Whoa, my little bro wants to marry. So I bet Elliot and Ben and San and Britt will be the next to get engaged. Huh. We are adults now, it seems._

_When we went back down, the girls were half naked and doing body shots off each other. Holy fuck. Rachel was doing Santana while Britt laughed her ass off. WTF??? Finn stood there like he had been slapped and Elliot and Ben giggled like school girls and went to have sex in our guest room. Cooper threw himself at Britt and Blaine had an awful lot of work to get everyone back on track. I was so shocked that I couldn't move and I really hope that all our guest have a really bad hangover today and forgot everything that happened after midnight. Otherwise there will probably be a lot of discussions going down. Hm. Have to call Rachel later today to hear what happened. When we finally got rid of everyone accept Cooper (after barging into the guest room he asked Ben and Elliot if they were up for a threesome...) we could eventually fall into our bed exhausted. Well, at least Blaine and I acted appropriately and had sex in our bedroom without anyone else's participation or watching. Gah._

_My hangover isn't bad at all. Drinking water in between the alcohol did me good. It's 10am on New Years morning right now and Blaine had an Advil and a glass of water before he could help me clean up. I peeked into the guest room half an hour ago and Cooper is lying on the bed in fetal position. I guess he'll sleep for a while. Hang on, I'll call Rachel now. I am too curious how it's going..._

_I'm back. So apparently nobody remembers much from last night when everything went crazy or they just pretend to not remember. Rachel said everything is fine, Finn has the hangover of the year and puked half the night. I hope he'll be okay soon. We will meet up this afternoon. I'll ask him then. I mean, it wasn't that bad and nobody cheated, so hey. They'll get over it. I'll make some breakfast for us three now. Have to go. See ya, Kurt_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, well. Not a lot happened in this chapter but life is like that ;-) Hope you enjoyed the chapter nonetheless. See ya next week. Greets, Dana

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I will probalby update once a week if everything goes my way. The fic is still a WIP and I'm currently writing chapter 7. So please bare with me. Thank you for reading!!! Greets, Dana


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